Hello. Hows this Lions gate 8/8 portal going for you? Peaceful? Well, I tried for 'Peaceful' during my meditation, and waited, and waited. Feeling the tingles of what I felt was going to be a healing experience, was giving rise to an anxious discomfort in my body, so I turned instead to watch a few minutes of "3 Somatic Keys to Unlock Hidden Portals in the Labyrinth of Inherited Trauma (Free Yourself Today)," but I must have had enough triggers of the "Devils in the detail Situations" wanting to explode, waiting patiently....and by late morning it was full blown anger. Michaela

Well this has pissed me off immensely... Which I guess was precisely what it is supposed to do!!!! Well practiced in healing and meditation, high scores in intuition and in energy reading...of others, (EMPATH CURSE?) I could not see this concealed anger.....it seems that this anger was well concealed. I mean it must have been totally drenched in the aromas of different emotions: Despair and Defeated, because that is what I have been feeling for the last few days. A few days before I had started reading about the Cathars and the genocide of those times and I felt a nauseous, niggling (ticking time bomb energy) meaning for me. It is 'horrendous history', one of the many many, blood drenched sagas of our 'recorded' history that has been tapestried over and interwoven somewhere in the landscapes of time. Now forgotten as all concerned lie dead and buried. However, there is generational trauma that seeps through in the genes. Crawls out of the soil, never truly gone. Carrying the hints and behaviours in the gene pool of people that might be present in those ancestral lineages. I cannot prove or disprove this. Is energetic lineage the same as actual blood lineage? I have the blood lineage from the atrocities in Ireland as all my recent blood lineage is from Ireland. Then before that, obviously, there are the generational inclinations of slavery into and from the country and travellers to the country, with genetic markers bringing in all the other colour threads that weave through the greens. ****** But this is where it gets tricky.... within any one personal tribute to the life of one SELF, are the tinges of generational trauma-miasma mingled through, and sewn into, all the personal history and qualities and characteristics, memories, situations, actual and believed, so together.... it is that which weaves the story onward. The quirkiness of my childhood is that 'anger' was rooted in me, a hidden and veiled response to the broken situation, added to the religious aspect and cultural behaviours around me at the time, I did not know there was a deep anger, till I was a teenager, then it came out. BUT I thought travelling through Austrailia backpacking my way on a working visa had fixed that. No. sadly. But I had become more spiritual and diplomatic. Focussed on the psychic, but the anger was disguised and remained out of touch. My Adult life brought more things, events and situations to be angry about, but I internalised that anger....and it only added to the mess of my childhood and teenage anger. Specifically there were actually huge things, "Devilsss in the detail Situationsss" that should have brought the anger up, but I kept doing shadow work to disarm myself...when what i really NNEEEDDDDEEEDDD was to feel and express that anger. Its a Long story of suppressed anger, about ....well... those are stories for another day....but for the last few years there has been entrapment in situations that has made my blood boil. But In my waking hours I go about my business, not tapping on that door...the consequence is the energy haul required to restrain it, maintain position, and protect others from it has become so profound that it has become a prison.BORDERS PREVENTING MOVEMENT**** So not seeing this... How? by deluding myself with "its 'all my fault", and "things will get better" while hiding the sadness in bundles amongst other feelings. Reading about the Cathars the last few days has triggered me, but I let it go.... "things to do"... and "I havent got any more space in my bones to take in more stuff." (Screaming EMPATH). But I settled in today to do my Healing meditation and I wasnt getting any peace, anywhere. Then by late morning it was raging...then I knew... WOW... this was All anger. What came to me was that the suppressed anger had created a BORDER- BETWEEN ME... and my future version of ME...It is as if WE, (the two versions of me) are two differeent countries. I cannot step into the life I want, IN this version of me, carrying all that suppressed ANGER. The ANGER has created the border ***** (the one so crippled with anger, and unaware of what to do with it all, who thinks she is spiritual and that she has integrated her shadow and thought she had dealt with It OMG)**** I have to let this anger come up and burn down the OLD, outdated, worn out version of me...****i.e the version that people keep insisting on seeing and talking to, **** (while IGNORING the existence of the new version, who is updating...upgrading and standing by peacefully, beautifully, watching and waiting for permission to be.)**** AND NOW A certain "Devil in the detail Situation" that had its day... a long time ago, but remains in place because the growing, new and upgrading version me...cute, polite, respectful, thoughtful, self-depreciating, has waited patiently, not wanting to hurt anyones feelings, for permission to BE the NEW person she has grown into.... and waits patiently for permission to live the lifestyle she wants...And until then then the birder remains, the anger continues to be swallowed back, a pattern learned by the old version.... and THUS AND SO she cannot step fully into the BUSINESS OF creating HER new LIFE. Michaela.