The five languages of love. Which is yours?

I have been brought back to this love language business in response to some pretty dramatic family dynamics recently. Talk about making a big deal about something.....

For a few months now I have been....
..so preoccupied with majorly big issues like juggling the presenting ( destructive)  issues of one teenager, bill paying and all other financial stuff, supporting elderly parents through extreme situations, trying to clear through my own stuff for healing plus all the physical/mental and emotional demands of the house/home and, perhaps, not doing either one very well ...

...that other things have been left to sort themselves out.
One such thing is that the other teenager has been left to manouver through their own feelings resulting in a sense of separation and a loss of connection. The result is anger, disrespect, harsh words and two very sad people.

At first I thought it was because they were using their strenghth of personality to show me that they were standing fully in their own power and that I, perhaps, was not standing in my full power, having my energy drained out by all the ensuing life dramas that called for my attention.  I had thought that because they believed that I was not in my power and that they were in their power,  perhaps they had lost respect for me and were playing out that scene, to which I was reacting like a wounded child.

All of the above is perhaps vaguely true to some extent, however crucially I took another look at it today after a particularly harsh speech from me last night.


Surely it couldn't be quite as I thought. My power is in softness, but, I can push the limits and resort to harsh if I need to, which is what i did last night. But,  I repeat.....my power is in  softness, and I have done the inner work to learn this. I realise that I have indeed been in my power, having honed my ability to be so, but what I hadn't been, was present for the teenager in the way they needed.

They were pushing the boundaries in an act of defiance to extract from me reaction and recognition that were not feeling loved.

I had been doing and saying the things that I believed showed my love, but for them the language of love is different. For a space in time I was too distracted away from them and their language of love, to notice. I believed that they were being empowered to navigate for a while, with me just throwing in a few parental suggestions, requests, instructions....each met with obvious resentment.

This morning, I was  in the middle of emailing an old friend, now living in Australia, it came to me in an instant..... It is all about our very own, individual need to hear the language of love that makes us uniquely respond, by feeling we are loved.

The language of love that my teenager needs to hear is quality time* and I had been unable to give this as my time (love/power)  was being drawn away by the calls of situations that were shouting louder. For this I am trully sorry.

When there is conflict in relationships take time to remind yourself of the type of love language that the other responds to.


AS most of us are beginning to realise. To any problem, any decision, or any question,  Love is the only answer.

When your heart sings.
One more thing to add to this story, our North nodes are the same in Gemini, which is all about talking and communicating. My Gemini North Node is in the 12th house of Pisces, which means that when I am talking or communicating about enlightenment, learning and being within the Divine Space, (Pisces/of the divine realms)  I am trully living out my intended purpose and my heart sings.

My teenager also has a North Node of Gemini, which means a desire to talk and communicate, when it is in relation to the house that contains the North node it means literally fulfillment. Interestingly I have just found that we both have our Gemini North Nodes in the same 12th House of Pisces.

Link to North Node Astrology.

NorthNodeastrology.com: North Node 12th House, Pisces North Node, Virgo South Node

*Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.*

This means giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television together. What I mean is taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other while talking. Time is a strong communicator of love. The love language of quality time has many dialects. One of the most common is that of quality conversation – two individuals sharing their thoughts and feelings. A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s desires. We must be willing to give advice, but only when it’s requested and never in a condescending manner. 

Here are some practical listening tips: 
❤ Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking.
❤ Don’t do something else at the same time.



Links to the love languages.


http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication-and-conflict/learn-to-speak-your-spouses-love-language/understanding-the-five-love-languages


http://www.5lovelanguages.com/


http://personalitycafe.com/articles/112444-five-love-languages-explained.html