Silver ankle chain and the return ticket home.

I can only guess how people are being affected by the amazingly efficient high powered energy blasts that have been bombing us this year.

Personally I find it easier to assess in hindsight, sometimes months later, the spiral elevation that these waves push us to. Just surf them, as you would the wall of a wave, observing the damage and chaos on either side, knowing that they are what is needed to blast you through to the other side, while you keep one foot on this side.

I don't know if it is quite what the Doors had in mind but I'm finding this track fits with the "breaking through" that I am seeing all over the place.
I am not on a drug fuelled psychadelic trip, but hey, lets not judge, how people get there.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-r679Hhs9Zsgoing


Anyway, for most of this year it has been crazy for me. Strengthening in intensity from March to July and continuing on through August. Its nearly September and I don't think I have quite touched the ground since early this year. Strangely, I am so lifted off it, I can't see me landing anytime soon. Maybe I won't land at all in the old place. I seem to be drifting on a high ledge of 'unseen atmosphere' and now steer along parallel to the old place. One foot in and one foot out of it.

I am sharing a short story that was embedded in this recent energy wave.
It starts with me spending a great deal time of time in hospital recently. Relentless and sad, I am making continued visits to the hospital to see my old dad. Three weeks ago he collapsed and was rushed by paramedics to A+E, and then went from intensive care to urgent care, then three wards later, he is in Cardiac care, fully bedridden and recovering from procedures which now indicate there is cancer. He is old, and I won't go into details, but its not looking good. 

The funny thing is, he has been old and ill for as long as I can remember, since I was a kid. So he is in the only place that fits his life. He has been waiting for death for so long, mainly because  he has had enough of life. But now faced with it, he doesn't want the 'ending' of death, he just wanted the end of his life. The life that had been wracked with reasons not to live. A superb choice.

This story is not about my old dad, but concerns me going back to the home that 'formed' me and 'informed' how I felt about life, my choices, my decisions or lack of ability to make descisions, this home that was the petrie dish of my growing self and provided the nutrients that determined how I grew my emotional, spiritual and mental bodies.... I had to go back for an extended time while he is "living/dying" in hospital, as I do everyweek, and have done for many years, to enable my elderly and disabled parents to live out their disabled lives in their own home, which was the home that these latest mad waves delivered me back to, and crashed me into..to "break on through to the other side".

I got to see how, in the years since my adolescent self hobbled off on her journey through life, she had been pummeled and pounded by the life experience, leaving her wrapped in feelings of inadequacy and deep, deep, down, had submerged and embedded plan to get to the end of this journey, fasttracking, as she couldn't make sense of it.

So many "karmic" and "ancestral" healing years later, she returns to see how far she has in fact come, and that yes, she can finally make sense of what seemed so senseless all those years ago.



Back to the story...

Every day I was visiting the hospital, and one day I was in the hospital shop, buying orangeade for my patiently living/dying dad, when I saw that that days pop-up gift shop, a different one each day, was a jewelery stall. I was drawn to a small silver ankle chain. To my surprise I bought it, but I wasn't really thinking about why. I Knew there was significance for me, and decided not to put it on until I had worked out what the meaning was. Sometimes there is more to something than what presents.

I had many more visits to the hospital, some good and some bad. On a particularly bad day, I was sent spiralling back, to ALL the times I had been to a Hospital over the course of my life, mainly since the the time I was 15 years old. The beginning of many seasons of people being sick and dying, operations and life treatments. My mother, my brother, my father, family members each dying in life, in their own way, visiting newborns, and me birthing my own children, also their individual hospitalisations for various small operations, broken bones and accidents, and of course a few procedures of my own..... I was taken aback at the extreme nature of my being present in hospital, yet again, and yet again I am immersed in a place, where all is done to keep the living alive and to keep death at bay, whatever the cost.

I thought to myself, My god, we all have one foot in death, at all times. death is the inevitable tie breaker.

And we are all so scared of it, Even if we say we aren't, we are. It is the final. The end. One foot is always in death. So the hospital becomes the shop we go to, to buy back a bit more time.

Then I had an immediate vision, or out of body experience, where I "grew" and "shifted" as the reality dawned on me. This was simply as I was walking to the tube station to go home. I instantly knew that it isn't a case of, one foot in life and one foot in death. It is Bigger than that. It is that a very BIG part of us is NOT in this life. One foot "out of this life" is what keeps us anchored to the reality that exists outside the small and getting smaller existence that we call being " alive".

One foot is IN this small "life experience" and one foot is in the bigger picture of the real reality of our real HOME.

Death is only the END of the experience of it. It isn't the final piece, it is only the door that allows us back HOME.

Death is the return ticket.

We come here as Avatars, to experience and refine a part of us that wants to experience this place. The Avatar has to have a return ticket to pull itself out of here at the end of the mission, at the end of the game and pull all its parts back to the BIG picture of where it actually is. The "life game" or the "game of life"  is like a load of teenagers playing computer games and "living" their roles, but when they pull that part of their attention and focus back to the room, the game goes off, and they resume the next thing, usually going to the fridge.

It is like this for us. We are Avatars, My constant preoccupation with having "life" experiences involving me visiting death in hospitals, was and remains, a reminder that we have one foot in a bigger place and death is only the return ticket, back to that place. Home. No one stays here for ever. Who would want to? The physical biological vehicle, that is the "body",  at the moment in this game, is programmed to self destruct so that you get to finish the game, at whatever level you hoped to achieve, and return back to your full form.

So how do we know what level we are on. Well, that depends on what game you are playing. We are playing different games and at different levels, and we have infinately numerous versions of the "life"
game. However it is our bigger selves that gets to decide. We have many clues and can spiral rapidly and elevate through One level, or many levels, or take many years to do a small circle and still achieve something. It all yields gold nuggets. Gold nuggets that add to the presence of our bigger selves.

One thing is certain, We will get bored of staying at the same level, so its our bigger selves that plan what we need to attain in each level. The aspirations will be different for each. But just seeing the bigger picture, can actually open the door, and let you "break on through" to other and higher levels of life experience, without even using the return ticket (of death) to get back home, you might just soar on and up.  It could be like those adrenaline junkies, who keep on playing on, without a break because they have opened the door to a whole new level and to a wholy different game.

Then I knew the significance of the small silver ankle chain, and put it on.

Thanks for coming by.

Michaela.
Namaste, the DIVINE Avatar in me recognises and honours the DIVINE Avatar in you.



By the way.
The Art work above was created by me for my workshops, called Unravelling. It was a series of art healing art workshops designed to help a person unravel stuck energy from their energy fields.

It was a year later that someone, looking at the original art, commented that there was a lot going on in the painting. A LOT, the person had repeated. When I finally listened, a few months later, and earlier this year, I heard what was being said, and understood.

The painting was about "ME" and my own UNRAVELLING and it had taken a year for me to unravel, release and let go, so that I could finally break on through and begin the to spiral into the next level of the game.

Michaela.
xxx