Ascension process: the hall of mirrors. The dark night of the soul.

Three things come to me today.

Firstly, it is coming to the end of the first year of this blog. The reason I am posting my writing, or posting other peoples articles (that I have found to be helpful on this journey), is mainly to just record this journey. It is 'my journal' with other stuff 'stapled' in, so to speak.

This first year of my blog, may be the only year. I don't plan,  it just happens. I post when something raises itself to be spoken about, or something grabs my attention that someone else has put forward and I feel to share it because  it is complementing how I am feeling at this time.

This last year from April 13 to April 14, has been particularly engrossing. Not in a good way. But this is the Ascension process, a process that is unique for each individual. It wasn't, and isn't, ever going to be easy for anyone. My brother died January 2013. Following on from that, I had to rediscover the buried grief I had from when he became ill, nearly 30 years before. He was 17 years old and I was 18 years old. The illness he succumbed to pushed the light out of his eyes.  I was dealing with this avalanche of sadness quite well, up until March of 2013.  At this time a series of other issues and life questions came up.  Then in April I underwent a procedure under anaesthetic myself. This, funnily enough, was able to render me listless, loosing vital energy and was like falling under a truck in slow motion (actually, I found out recently that affects of general anaesthetic can stay in the body for up to a year). It was all outer manifestation, of inner stuff pushing through for release. It was like....not being able to get up, and just lying in the sludge as other trucks roll over. Ok, I know that is quite a strong visual, but it was a culmination of spiritual, emotional and mental diversions which had been overriding all other aspects of my life. I realise that it was another in a long line of stages in the process. And so I began my blog trying to make sense of it all.

A year later, March 2014, and I think I am getting on top of this Ascension Process. And, I am, I suppose. But It is intensifying. There are times when all is well and I can relax. There are times when I can multidimensional back-flip, here and there. There are times when my "real" life is making sense. However there are times,  more recently, when I descend back under that truck getting rolled over. This is April 2014. Nearly a year after I started my blog. I realise that this blog Is "out there", perhaps not in a majorly public way, to record this process and for this record to be added into the collective consciousness.

The second thing I want to say today, is that you call the ascension process into your arena, whatever your arena is.  It can be extremely difficult  going through these episodes when there is a partner, children, a career or anything else, and,  all life events and dramas are stage settings and dressing for the arena. All relationships and aspects of your arena serve your ascension process.  All your relationships are affected by where you are on the process.

I am finding that difficult, as children can and do feel into the parents' energy, and either benefit from, add to, or can become confused or swamped by it, as the parent becomes confused or swamped.  It is difficult, in my experience, to try to stay grounded in an increasingly swampy arena. This arena, of course, is partially their arena too, by virtue of you being their parent and you bringing your colour to their arena (we try to be conscious parents don't we!).

Currently I am being triggered by aspects (or vasana's), which are also being reflected back to me by my children and aspects of their lives, it is like a hall of mirrors: there isn't much laughing in this fairground side show.

 I read this following article from the site, "Golden Age Of Gaia", which has helped me today. I share it gladly. It speaks of where I feel I am at this moment, and  maybe it will clarify for others, too.

Vasana is not a term I use, but it is used in the following article. I think it means the underlying 'be-lie-fs', (i.e. the beliefs of the 3rd dimensional illusion, where such beliefs are generally illusions of separation) that gives rise to wounds that accumulate around that belief, such as "I am unloved and unlovable". These vasanas can be triggered by anything, which even vaguely reinforces that belief. It isn't easy to know when your vasana's are being tickled. However, the clue is, if you feel like sh*t, than it's one of your many vasanas at work. Oh, yes I forgot to mention that they are buried so deep they are difficult to identify.


Vasanas are showing you, all your untreated 'be-lie-fs'. All such 'be-lie-fs' are illusions that are now lying on the operating table waiting to be identified and operated on. And there is no anaesthetic.

If this isn't you right now, that's fantastic! However if you are on the Ascension process, sooner or later, it will be.

Thirdly, it seems one has to die to be reborn into enlightenment. Physically we can stay in our bodies but everything that is of the old be-lie-fs has to die. To die they must come into our awareness to be addressed and seen for what they are, illusions. This is very hard because it feels like death to us. It is the death of everything in us, and around us, that we knew to be true. It is the death of us in the limitations of our 3D lives to make way for expansion.

Enjoy the article anyways.

---

Last-Minute Clearing

Posted by Steve Beckow

There may be some people who, as the Tsunami of Love gradually increases, are saying to themselves, well, I don’t feel loving, myself. If anything I’m having unpleasant feelings and a really rough go of it.
Yes, that’s very much to be expected for some people – myself included. I know that what’s arising in me has to do with incomplete events going back ten, twenty and thirty years ago.
The Tsunami may be bringing up everything that’s incomplete so let’s look at that factor in how we may feel
On March 27, 2014, Sue Lie’s Arcturians compared the last-minute clearing we’re doing to the “dark night of the soul” that St. John of the Cross described.
It’s actually a little different from what St. John was looking at. He was describing a state of darkness to the outside world, the senses, and the knowing capacity that occurred during the final stages of seeking “perfection,” (1) as he called it. Yes, we’re seeking the same state in Ascension, but we in no way have to pass through the rigor of aspirants in St. John’s day.
The Arcturians used the term to refer to a cleansing process we may be going through as a result of the high Tsunami vibrations raising our vasanas (reaction patterns) and false beliefs to the surface, to be let go of prior to Ascension.

“In order to complete the process of Ascension you must go through the dark night of the soul. …

“The dark night of the soul is the final cleansing that must occur before you can live within the NOW of Ascension. This dark night of the soul is when you go through your daily life being fully aware of what you are doing wrong, aware of your fear, aware of your anger, aware of your pain.” (2)

“You must see yourself,” they say. “You must be aware of what you are thinking, what you are saying, what you are doing and WHY. Why are you thinking that? Why are you saying that? Why are you doing that?” (3) Well, that certainly is happening for me.
This dark night of the soul, they tell us, “is quite uncomfortable but very informational.”  What are we being informed about? We’re seeing that:

“There is no one else you can blame.  It was no one’s fault. No one and nothing did it to you.

“You created your reality. Through creating your reality, you first needed to bring to the surface the parts of you that could not participate in the creation of the reality of planetary Ascension.” (4)

When I was waking this morning, I was wondering why I felt … well, anything but loving … and then I saw that the feelings I was experiencing were related to events a long time ago.  At first I felt dismayed, and then I realized that this was exactly what the Tsunami in its early phases is designed to do.
You remember that I asked Archangel Michael if, after the Tsunami, we’d be entirely free of vasanas, and he responded: “You can think of it as moving you to Vasana Lite.” (5) Only Ascension, which corresponds to a state of enlightenment known as sahaja samadhi, a permanent heart opening, will remove our vasanas entirely.
So don’t expect that, even after the Tsunami, your vasanas will be entirely gone.  And don’t be shocked if your partner still has some remaining. They’ll be lighter but some may still be there.
Mary through Pamela Kribbe last August voiced another interesting perspective on this part of the Ascension process. She said that “at some point, the soul discovers that [the] things [resorted to in the past] do not work, and then the soul goes through a deep inner crisis.”

“As it is maturing, it discovers deep emotions of loneliness, separation, and fear, and there is a growing awareness that nothing outside itself can fill the void. This stage of a soul’s journey can be called ‘the dark night of the soul.’ The soul can not lose itself any more in anything external, and yet it does not know how to nurture itself, how to go within.” (6)

This is an exact description of what I saw when I looked at what was happening for me and how I felt upon seeing it.  I knew that my regular ways of managing myself  – distraction mostly – would no longer work. But I did not know how to nurture myself in the experience I was in.
We’re ascending by the same route by which we descended. In our descent, we created for ourselves the illusion of separation and with it the experience of loneliness and despair. And now as we ascend, we’re experiencing the same feelings of isolation and loneliness and may be wondering how this could be.
Werner Erhard explained that in creating a record (a vasana) or in completing it, we go through the same experience, the same feelings. Earlier we created them in response to our record and later we re-experience them to finally let go of our record. But the feelings are the same.
So if you’re feeling lonely or despondent, well, hey, you may be right on track.
This loneliness and despair are coming up to be removed. We’re making our exit from the illusion of separation and at times it may very well feel like a dark night of the soul.
We’re breaking out of the prison of illusion we’ve built for ourselves, the illusory sense of separation from God which caused our felt “isolation” from the higher realms in the first place.
So if you’re feeling desolate and wondering why this late in the game you’d feel that way, perhaps remember that we’re experiencing the fruits of the illusion again, to be experienced for the very last time and let go of.

Footnotes

(1) St. John of the Cross’s description of the dark night of the soul appears in Kieran Kavanaugh and Otilio Rodriguez, trans. Complete Works of St. John of the Cross. Washington: Institute of Carmelite Studies, 1973, 73-5. The state of perfection is where we’re headed.
(2) “Message from the Arcturians: Walking The NOW,” channelled by Suzanne Lie. March 27, 2014, at http://suzanneliephd.blogspot.co.uk/.
(3) Loc. cit.
(4) Loc. cit.

(5) “Archangel Michael: Go with the Ebb and Flow of Love,”  April 5, 2014, at http://goldenageofgaia.com/2014/04/05/archangel-michael-go-with-the-ebb-and-the-flow-of-love/.

(6) “Mary: Circles of Light,” channelled by Pamela Kribbe, August 7, 2013 at http://www.jeshua.net.  Mira the Pleiadian, speaking not about personal issues but social reform, made a relevant, related comment yesterday:  “The Light is shining upon the dark far more than ever before. This dredges up areas of focus that speak to each of you. Some of you want to magically change the old self-serving ways with the sweep of a magic wand. In the future you will be able to do things like this. Right now what needs to change the most is being highlighted.”  (“A Channeling from Mira from the the Pleiadian High Council through Valerie Donner April 4, 2014, at http://www.thegroundcrew.com/updates/vdonner/2014/040514_print.htm.)