Recently I became aware that some patterns of my behaviour were having a downward spiral.
For what seems like a very long time I have been overwhelmed with duty and responsibilty, running on empty, tired and unable to free myself to follow, or even remember, what makes ME happy. Because of this I have been locked into fatigue so that the colour of the lens I view my experience was getting increasingly dark. I was getting sucked into a dark vortex which I needed to extract myself from.
This time, (as these patterns have been seen previously in my life), I knew it was happening and watched, trying to get what was the message. At what I now see as "the crunch time" last week, I was stricken down with firey headaches and a major vomiting session, It was absoloutely dire.
Still feeling really weak after a few days, I then developed extreme abdominal pains and pains in my legs. Then came the feverish throb that indicated a 'flu' of some sort. This went on for a week. Today its outed and I am left with the last few flu symptoms. During this event I had had some healing which was amazing and beneficial. Then when I felt strong enough to master what was going on I had a deep healing session on myself where I LEANED into the pain in my legs and pelvis. The pains were so deep the session went on for hours. I found that the build up of tissue memory was from a long time ago (25 years) of stuffing painful emotions into the lower half of my body, being either unable to sit with, acknowledge or bear the issues that had happened. (this is also about my microcosm mirroring for the macrocosm, as the planet we live in is holding pains deep within her too).
This then was the presenting pattern of behaviour. This is what I did, with stuff that was toooooo uncomfortable and unbearable for me. Stuff it, deep down into my lower recesses , my pelvic area and legs, and cover it up. I realise that I have spent an amazing amount of time and energy keeping it there, which is also a reason for the fatigue. It also then become a landfill where morestuff is tipped on top, because this is the pattern of what I do. Did.
I worked to identify the root or the origin, and the other layers dumped on top, which act to secure and lock-in the ORIGIN of emotional pain. I worked to release the root of the pain. I also worked to release 'the pattern' of doing this, stuffing it, not being able to feel this pain without exploding, making these kind of emotions a NIGHTMARE that I cannot deal with.
This pattern of living, eventually caused me to feel that living, this way in the world is a long, drawn out, unwanted experience. This was obviously a cycle based on suppressing painful emotion.
Ultimately your system must vomit it up and out of your system. Look at the earth, she has to do the same, Gathering all the spew and forcing it up and out in Earthquakes and Volcanoes.
I worked in the healing session to replace this with a new pattern of seeing 'the joy' in everything, to balance the pain. I worked to see that identifying something as 'Pain' is not entirely correct, as a person growing in spiritual awareness I must acknowledge that everything is packaged with an array of energies to offer insight and challenge , growth and expansion.
Also Interestingly during the healing, I became a sphere of light, A spec of the Divine. So, I was this active, spherical aspect of Divine light, going through the flesh of my body, with great speed and quantumly moving through the tissues that made up my body, some parts were severly inflamed and stricken with pain. Eventually, 'me' the tiny light sphere, the aspect of God, realised that I was a divine drop of God, in a tiny blaze of light zipping through the flesh of the body. Then it dawned on me that I was the light, I was not the body. I AM THE LIGHT< I am not the body.
The flesh landscape that I was speeding through as if in a computer generated film, was not ME, it was a 'vehicle' that provided the biology environment for 'me' to land in. Having incarnated into the flesh, I then take on all the biological nature of the vehicle, that means everything that the body is pre-programmed to be. That means my emphasis and purpose, my living structure is all derived from the culture I am born into, so I take on all the ancestral lineage, the phyiscal and geographical alignments, tied in the parent's DNA and so so much more.
We are all aspects of this amazing God Divine Light, in tiny quantumn balls of fire (spirit) that each fall into and activate a different unique, biology system of which we are then to master.
The trouble is we forget this and let the 'ego' which is the managing director of our physical survival take over. Once I saw that, I told myself I am NOT my pain. That is when I saw that we are all microcosms of the macrocosm, We are all Gods of our own time within our incarnated body . It is our time to be in our own small universe, which operates very closely with the macrocosm of our larger world.
NOW IS THE TIME. We need to step up and micromanage our thoughts and feelings, see the inner held emotions and take the nourishment that they provide for our soul enhancement, and digest or eliminate the unwanted husks, and generally manage what is needed. We need to spring clean our vehicles to make them run smoothly. We need to clean the windscreen and lubricate the inner workings , make ourselves dynamic and pristine so that the divine spark of God, that is actually the REAL US, Can step up to 'being and living in the next level'. It is evolution time, It is Ascending from the lower body stuff.
Adding on 23/09/2015.
You have been entrusted with a spark of Divine Love. Tend to it, care for it and make sure that it grows. You are the beginning The Universe has been waiting for. ~ Creator
https://thecreatorwritings.wordpress.com/2015/09/22/spark/
Before having this latest situation flash back up at me, my experience of the world was getting very ground hog day, No joy, no gratitude, It was just relentless overwhelm day after day, with no ME being able to pull myself up and out of it. If this is you too, then get into MINDFULNESS techniques, get sorted, find someone to share this with that offers only unconditional love in support. But always be courageous and do not doubt that your life will be better for it. Then you can see the flowers for what they are, and smell them. Try to start with this....
DAILY OM
September 18, 2015 Grateful: The World in a Bright Light
There is always something to be grateful for even when life is hard and times are tough.
Everyday is a blessing, and in each moment there are many things that we can be grateful for. The world opens up to us when we live in a space of gratitude. In essence, gratitude has a snowball effect. When we are appreciative and express that gratitude, the universe glows a bit brighter and showers us with even more blessings.
There is always something to be grateful for, even when life seems hard. When times are tough, whether we are having a bad day or stuck in what may feel like an endless rut, it can be difficult to take the time to feel grateful. Yet, that is when gratitude can be most important. If we can look at our lives, during periods of challenge, and find something to be grateful for, then we can transform our realities in an instant. There are blessings to be found everywhere. When we are focusing on what is negative, our abundance can be easy to miss. Instead, choosing to find what already exists in our lives that we can appreciate can change what we see in our world. We start to notice one blessing, and then another.
When we constantly choose to be grateful, we notice that every breath is a miracle and each smile becomes a gift. We begin to understand that difficulties are also invaluable lessons. The sun is always shining for us when we are grateful, even if it is hidden behind clouds on a rainy day. A simple sandwich becomes a feast, and a trinket is transformed into a treasure. Living in a state of gratitude allows us to spread our abundance because that is the energy that we emanate from our beings. Because the world reflects back to us what we embody, the additional blessings that inevitably flow our way give us even more to be grateful for. The universe wants to shower us with blessings. The more we appreciate life, the more life appreciates and bestows us with more goodness.
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