Stranger things are upon us. Not the netflix version but our own particular version of going into the underworld and coming back out. (Rejoice??)

So, its been a tough few weeks, and tough few months, and in my experience a tough few years...so where is the joy in that? Well individually we can stock of the levels of darkness that we carry unknowlingly. Mine culminated a few days ago, and by yesterday I couldnt even speak. I wanted to express this stuff but, I didnt want to bring it 'life' by doing so...in fact it is more a case of bring it 'back to life'. So suffering on, muted, resentful and disconnected, blaming everything to the point where nothing good was able to shine in I leant into the dark night of the soul. And eventually went to sleep with the intention of falling into this deep pit of despair to see what was there. This morning I felt better. I recognised the energies and patterns of expression of those feelings were reflections of my father and how he 'did' life, which wasnt great. This disfunctional victim energy was so base it really dragged me down when I was around him, and as an adolescent it affected me, I longed to leave and be away from it. So I did, I left many times...lived many places, but often came back and felt it again. In later years I actually gave up 'leaving' and looked after him as I became carer to him, my brother and my mother. But I was always rushing away, as I lived a few miles away and had my own family to look after.**** Recently, my parents both gone, I had to come back to live in their house. From November 2020 I have felt this powerful draining energy. But I have been so busy, and so distracted with the collapse of the world in general. When i had my children I had strong conviction NOT to let them inherit what I had and worked hard to be the parent that didnt bring that to their door. Instead I learned that these energies were for me to 'see', not judge, and have compassion. While being so busy I was distracting myself from them, until they got bigger and bigger and took me out. I had to move back here to 'see' the base energy that I am carrying. It is hard and exposes the deep sadness, exposes the vulnerabilty, exposes the 'lost' feeling all tied up in the shreds of ancestral despair that I am working to dissolve. It is not pretty when you allow space for this to happen. In fact if you dont allow for it, it will ballon up inside you and as it is the energy that you manifest from will 'show' you itself. So you can either go mad, or dissolve it by letting 'be' in the foreground for your loving attention. All That emanates from it, for me, was described synchronistically in the previous post, where the adolescent just wants to have fun and venture into the world and see each bright new day...but the 'reality' that forms eventually is the one of fear, and so one slowly acquieesces to any dominant energy, be that cultural/familial/ancestral or energy carried in the systems that have been hidden but held in place by both family and ancestral dynamics/fears/beliefs that maybe you did not believe were yours...but were deep in the psyche anyway.*****The clearing comes in sweeps of relief as you realise that these are not yours, but were there for you to 'see' how you were affected by them, and how you continued unknowlingly to let them be the alphabet that you used to form the script around you. Look, it is not easy, but dont 'give in', recognise any downward pull (that may be seen as depression and despair) and give it up. This is the work of undoing/unravelling the inherited matrix from your skin and bones, from your visceral being. It is like being hung/drawn/and quartered....and it is actually having the 'illness of despair' wrenched from the cells of your body, deeply hidden, which is why we dont always see it, and so we project it out onto someone and something else, who or which continues 'to oppress us'.**** This is why we manifest outward situations of being stuck, victims or being oppressed.... anything really, that reflects back the hidden 'stuff'....****After a while this business comes to rest, then you rejoice that you got to exorsise your ghosts. And If None of this makes sense to you...then You ARe not going through it, so rejoice about that. ~~Michaela~~. ex·​or·​cise | \ ˈek-ˌsȯr-ˌsīz , -sər- \ variants: or less commonly exorcize exorcised also exorcized; exorcising also exorcizing* Definition of exorcise* transitive verb* 1a: to expel (an evil spirit) by adjuration* b: to get rid of (something troublesome, menacing, or oppressive)* 2: to free of an evil spirit*