There is a divine plan for each person. Your life plays out within divine plan. De-cluttering and integration of healing is part of the Growth process. Everything has its place and is valuable, until it no longer serves a purpose. I was looking at some old photos today.

 Your outer world is a reflection of what is going on in your inner world. Recently the road works directly outside my home was noisy and sometimes uncomfortable, but spiritually I knew that it was a mirror to the deconstruction and reconstruction going on within. When you choose to embark on a journey of renewal and growth you choose to sift through and heal all that no longer serves your purpose. The process is to de-clutter and revive, expand and clarify. It is a long process and doesn't seem to have an end point, it is like the ever expanding now moment.

Me in my home in 2009.


I have been trying to de -clutter and reorganise my home  since 2009. We moved in 2007 and still have boxes unpacked from that time.

In the last few years,  and  recently with intensity,  I have been spiritually unpacking.

De-cluttering and reorganising my home is an on going process.  Some days it doesn't happen because the internal process is too demanding and everyday routine chores are the priority. Its like running your own relay race, changing swiftly between meditation and healing, processing, expansion (small bit by small bit), returning to your external roles and responsibilities, and upgrading with each intention and focus.

 I know, now, that each aspect is linked and merged, and they pull each of the other aspects along with each forward movement.

We can posture fully, let go, and lean into the process and let it take our weight as if lying on a sofa.
Be both the person lying on the sofa, and the watcher, observing the person lying on the sofa. The sofa is simply the expression for letting you lean into your life, for you to trust life to take your weight.

In the last few weeks the aspects that have been in focus are my outer roles as mother, partner, daughter, sister and  friend, also of  auntie and a member of a larger family in social gatherings.  Whilst there has been a lot going on, each participation in whatever role has further allowed expansion and clarity of inner self.

The inner work you choose to do is enhanced by the help available to you should you ask for it. Each moment you need help, ask for it, and without putting expectation on how that help comes to you, have faith that all will be well. Look for synchronicity and signs, watch what comes to your mind, practice in accepting that you trust your intuition. Above all Know it is unfolding as only it can. You cannot attempt to wash the item you require at the bottom of a huge pile of dishes, cutlery, pots and pans  without washing all the stuff on top first. There is a divine plan for each person. Each of us unconsciously, and beginning to be conscious, walk our path, to our own divine timing and divine will.

I often thought I must be here to learn patience, because that's the hardest thing for me: wanting and willing the end point, without understanding that it is in the on going Process that answers are found. To become MORE you have to let go to the process, and merge fully with what is before you: to participate with what your life is presenting you. Meditate on what is happening in your life to allow expansion and integration.


We all have bucket loads of debris, cart loads of ancestral baggage, inner child issues and more, all speaking to us in unison with the voice of wounded ego. When we see that mostly our responses are the outdated reactions triggered from a poke to the old wounds, we want to heal those wounds and put them right.

This is the process that we are here to do in this life, putting right those wounds and living free from the fear that paralyses us in the night. All roads in your life leads to this. We are healing to be able to pull ourselves up out of the misery that is endured when we can't see that true fullness is ours to have. Our participation is required in order to be present fully in the process, which can be chaotic and painful, challenging and exhilarating, confusing and enlightening, each in turn.


I must be making progress because I am repeatedly able to return to calm, to the centre core of myself amidst the chaos that is presenting itself in the world. This chaos is  the world healing itself collectively and so throwing up all the unwanted mix of stuff that is abhorrent to the natural way of  spiritual truth that we are ordained to come to live in.


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I have thought for a while that the home where you live is also a reflection of  your body and what's going on in you.

My kitchen is tiny and cluttered. There's not much room for more than two people, In my kitchen there is the cooker, washing machine, boiler, all food stuff, fridge, the freezer is in the garage. The boiler warms the water and pumps heat through the house. I have to go outside into the garage to get stuff from the freezer, occasionally this is an irritation when it's  snowing or when I'm rushing but I'm used to it now. I used to pray, Let me have a bigger kitchen please.

 Also there isn't much storage in the house so the dining room has somehow held that space. It is also where the laundry gets stored and sorted (and dried during the winter autumn months), the boxes containing papers, important files for bills, banks, insurance, schools, the list goes on, are all in the dining room. My Art work is also stored here, all my painting and drawing equipment, pads, portfolios etc. The space to actually do the art is only available when I de-clutter the dining room table. So my creativity is not allowed space.

So lets say that the Kitchen is the heart of the home. Lets say that the kitchen is also a reflection of what's going on in my heart. When I pray for a bigger Kitchen, I am praying for ease in my heart and a removal of blockages.

 

 

Tiny cluttered kitchen.



So what is the dining room? Recently I have sorted out boxes of books that are all wonderful but they no longer serve a purpose, so I am boxing them up to move them out. Also there are three very large bags of clothes waiting to go to the charity shop. The dining room is a holding room. Not much dining goes on in here. So what is the dining room in relation to me?  It is holding my memories in the form of countless photo albums, books we have read, clothes we have worn, Art work I have completed  and plans for the artwork I wish to do. A Cupboard and sideboard filled with stuff. The ironing board is here and a computer we no longer use, along with the wireless scanner and printer.

What is this then in respect to my body? I am playing with the idea that  the dining room may be my digestive system, there is the nutrition waiting to be absorbed, there is stuff needing to be expelled, The gall bladder is waiting to release the enzymes to aid breaking down of the stuff before it can be turned into useful molecules, the liver is cleaning the toxins, the kidneys are there to extract water from the waste before it is  expelled.  There is the build up of fat tissue from unused energy.  All this going on in my dining room. My art creativity is  not freed up yet till there is clear passage. Stuff is waiting for integration or release.

Taken 2009.

I am gradually working to clear my dining room.

It is interesting because currently I am having acupuncture to help my body.  Physically I am aware that I need help to integrate and release.  The acupuncture  is aiding the flow of CHI through the Gall Bladder meridians and liver meridians.  My abdomen is slowly reducing  from a recent major swell up, ( a few weeks ago my stomach increased by at least two dress sizes,)  as interestingly,  the dining room, swollen with storing too many things, is being released.

Yesterday, the window cleaner came and gave the windows outside a good clean. I also cleaned the inside of the windows. Now the house has perfectly clean windows.

This can be seen as the external sign that my spiritual vision has been undergoing a major clearing to produce clarity.

Also yesterday, the gas man came and checked over the boiler and gave it a good clean, it is extremely old, not a modern boiler at all. He carried out maintenance and inspection, checking all the radiators and gas appliances. Finally, I was able to get behind the washing machine and dishwasher and clean out the horrendous dust and gumpf that had accumulated on the pipes and floor.

This can be seen as  the external sign that my heart has been undergoing a major clearing and the vital components of my heart have been cleaned.

I am beginning to see the purity within the process, as it merges  and with my body,  my inner world and those reflections in my outer world. It is a process and all things that are in your life are part of your individual process. As without so within.

Clarity.

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The dominant role in our life is the external vehicle for us to undergo the process.


The role that I am examining today is that of being a mother. I know we all chose the roles that would dominate our life's process, these play out either consciously or unconsciously.

There is an intensity in which we carry out our dominant role that is directly proportional to the stage we are at in our life's process, and the need we have to integrate that learning.

My other roles have been as:
a child in a family that has dysfunction;
a rebellious teenager looking for meaning in a troubled world;
a wage earning young adult looking for a place in the world;
a wayward backpacker and traveller shunning the mainstream milestones of life;
a determined self disciplined student of science and rigorous health and exercise freak;
a Graduate  scientist employed in the pharmaceutical world;
a student of counselling;
a student of healing and 
a mother and partner.
Now my role is  predominantly mother, combined with partner, healer and artist.

In the early years, my intensity within the role of being a mother was like grim determination.  I was unsure of myself. I was in the beginning stages of healing myself and the healing was yet to be integrated at the levels that would play out in my life later. I was carrying  wounds that were playing out in my mothering role but I was determined that the children would not experience low self esteem and disempowerment.  I was healing myself through my role of mothering my children.

I did not realise then that each have their own divine paths and that my mothering skills,( as insecure as they were at that time,)  were also part of their divine plan for their experience as being children.

Each small moment is a all part of the plan. Each moment is gift -wrapped energy.

Each thing, good or bad is a gift of energy.

 

 

 

 

Hendon RAF museum, 2009.
(Interestingly, the top I am wearing in this clip is one which I decided not to give to the charity shop, I like this top, I associate nice memories with it, and the moments shared from this clip were from a good time. Its about integrating the joyous moments and healing the sad moments till they become molecules of nourishment for our bodies and souls- GALL BLADDER, secretes enzymes to allow breakdown into smaller molecules for absorption in the digestive system- Therefore Aids INTEGRATION. I am playing with the idea that the Enzyme is CREATIVITY. Creativity allows us expression, expression allows fullness of self, to give an integrated self.)

I AM  more conscious about being conscious in each moment of the process, both for myself and as a mother.

I AM in continuous receipt of energy gifts in which I can choose to participate.

All images presented in this post are from 2009. This must be auspicious time for me, or perhaps all my healing and clearing is pre- 2009. Well what ever the meaning is it will present itself soon enough.