Old days, new days. Now. Soon to be then. Time. It has been a very surreal year.

 

 

 

 

Today, 12th Jan 2014, is the first anniversary of my brother Peter's death. One year ago I had been reeling from the sadness of watching him as he declined in agony until he died . My life had for those weeks been transported into a very special, strange, surreal painting of sadness that had existed only in the now. Every single now moment hurt in its own pain.  The year that followed was a blur of being, as I was asked to relieve and heal great sadness in my heart, not only for my brother but in the way of  ancestral healing and my own multidimensional wounds.  

 

The way to do this was stepping out of the world for some part each day, and to turn inward toward my inner journey of soul release. I only got to the graveside maybe three times this year. The last time was spent time playing with a woodland theme. This was first time in eons that I felt like "playing"....I got a solar lights Owl, and Two small birds.  I covered the grave with stones, pebbles and shells taken from our home town in Ireland, collected over the years. I bordered the grave with off cut branches taken from my favourite Copper tree. It was a way to create and play. to find a surreal piece of joy in something that was so sad.

 

Today I went to spend time with my brother and revisit my woodland theme, I can actually see him laughing at my creation. And it actually makes me smile when I see it.

 

 

 

Christmas 2013, this is the first Christmas after his death. It was strange.

 

 

I miss him being around.

 

But as ever there is always something going on, stuff to do, people to arrange, things to get done and cats to feed.

 

 

 

I am the same person, but I have changed. I am strong.

Much stronger than ever before...but with a softer edge.

 

My role as mother is still there, just as mad as ever.

I am Healer and artist and all the other things such as shopper, cook, cleaner, cat carer, Parent watcher, partner, friend, writer. All things are aspects in the bigger picture of ME.

 

I just want to share with all who have had difficult challenges this year and who are still feeling a bit numb, and hurt, or fragile and vulnerable. YOU too will emerge, to find a space to play.