Well it took a long time, but i finally got through. After the anger comes the 'TRUTH'...shaking it off to reveal what the f*%£s happening. Happy lions gate and full moon in Aquarius. Seeing the devils energy...." to see where my energy got called-up in someones else's army to fight a war on myself. Michaela. "

It takes a journey on a train, back to the seaside and fresh air breeze, walking on a beach and paddling like a child in the sea, to remind me of where I was in MY energy before I got got conscripted. The stuckness I feel in the city has entombed me, but as I take gentle care of other peoples realities around me, that believe the version of the world THEY SEE, I gently endorse their world, which I become immersed in, and ignore my own version of MY LIFE. I am the pillar that keeps their WORLD's supported. I see this analogy from time to time as go through London, and see the huge crowds populating buildings, shops and walkways, parks, stations, undergrounds buses etc, all doing their 'thing', whatever that thing is. This huge energy conglomeration of bubbles and worlds within worlds... continues the existence of the city 'egregor' which becomes stronger and multifaceted of belief in it, with each downpour of incoming visitors, immigrants and refugees, that as communities, then fills and spills their beliefs into this cities 'reality' and extends the strength of the overspills. 'WE' are what keeps this 'reality' in place. OUr energy is syphoned off to it To keep it alive. Our life blood is what pours down it streets and rivers, the multifacted world that exists here is our communal belief in it. A single persons world is then made up to maintain its place in this bigger egregor of reality. When we let that happen we become consumed in it, by it. WE nourish its growth as colonies. Usually that is the story, and how it completes for each person is to the degree they comply with that world's array of energy fields, overlaying them. What I have come to know is that we can choose to identify with this accumulated energy egregor and either find comfort in letting our world be formed by it, or consumed by it. It is the same when we become enmeshed by others versions of reality and we take that on and forget our own. When we forget we become blindsided or gaslighted that our own self CAN have a version that is preferable to US, we get lost in time along someones else's march. Trying to look back and see glimpses of where you had your own thoughts passions and beliefs... but having to keep up with the daily march in the oppsoite direction becomes exhausting, and often it is easier to let those memories of excitement become lost in the memories of stress. We then allow the drowning out of our own 'self's' call to action, we forget the language we stopped listening to. Imagination and passion and excitement is the fuel straight from Source of life, and are the directions for the soul. The devil (as depicted by tarot) is what brings you away from source so we cannot answer our own souls call, becoming consumed by the march away from self. For me that means stopping to see where my energy got conscripted, called up in someones else's army to fight a war on myself. This isnt for everyone But for some of us, we see that Life only has meaning assigned to it by us. But it gets muddy when we learn, and are programmed to live by the 'truths and beliefs' bestowed upon us by others. Some are well meaning, Others are definitely NOT. Some are happy or compliant with this, do not question its relevance or that there might be a choice...and some choose to formally, and formidibly, enforce the 'truths and beliefs' that keep limitations and restrictions in place for the masses. Others take on the mutual definitions they are assigned within relationships and normally bend to those rules. Some, over time, are finding that a dire co-dependency in relationships have been drowning out any desire to be complete balance within themselves and start to reach over and beyond the 'given beliefs and identities held within those relationships. More and more now, are choosing to look beyond the restrictions that self has been tricked, or that tricked itself, into believing, to learn from that whole sequence of 'identity morphing within lifetimes and beliefs' to finally become, and to learn to create from knowledge of the contrast. ALL this to learn that creating from conscious choice (not from subconscious blurs of OUTSIDE OF US... deals and EXPECTATION,S nor from wound or trauma) is where we are heading to. Michaela.***** Editted with A Postscript. I came upon this later and feel, although its from a different emphasis, it adds to the entanglement of the co dependency relationship aspects, and informs how we are able to completely acquiesce to, and continue to support/believe/adhere to the behaviours and beliefs forming the reality of the 'world' into which we are born. The world detailed by OTHERs that, generally speaking, does not invite a change to that....So, Soul binding to the mother wounds. There were times when I dreamed, as a child, of my mother crying. I did not know why she was crying, but knew later in adult years and through my healing work, that it was deep psyche wound expressing inwardly....that we all carry some type of psyche wound that has made us feel damaged, not whole. Its origin goes back through ancestry and lifetimes. I also know that through the umbilical tube, blood and nourishment is carried, as is the emotional content and trauma data, to provide and prime the embryo, with information required, a type of map of "whats going on out here", for it's survival within the type of 'environment' that it is entering. Babies born during war, plague, poverty, drought, all situations really... will carry the "READ THE BOOK AND WORN THE TEE SHIRT" emotional match that provides the psyche with training and acceptance of the situational learning before birth. To either comply with, or to use as a step up from...Or Not, You may disagree. **** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuQ14N9OgOU