NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE // IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT // WINTER SOLSTICE MESSAGE.....by 13th Moon ////// In the lead up to Christmas, I recognise a 'familiar' fatigue that leaves me wanting to run for hills. Whatever is it that is in me, that wants to shutdown and self care in a cocoon, has to find its voice. Its trying to beat down an 'Over-bearing' default to provide for others what they 'need' and expect, and that which requires me to BE that version....the version that has accompanied me into my adult life and that which calls me to dismisses my own self care, and so there lies a schism within me. This fatigue comes from a conflict within me, between my own defaulting to self-abandon, and my need to free up my soul from that 'default'....So, I was not ging to post this, as it is hugely personal, and I understand this IS oversharing which can be burdensome to both parties......I'd had a good winters solstice day, on Sunday, which is a day, that for some deep down reason actually resonates deeply with me, more than any other day. So, I took a long Solstice walk in woodlands, quite far from me. There was an eery feeling to the woods, with water-mist rising from the land and trees. After the walk I had a good evening meal and almost felt relaxed and at One with everything and everyone. A good wholesome feeling. I was not nudged to do a meditation till the following day. I watched this from 13th moon, and an eye-popping meditation emerged from between the two group readings. The 'fog' lifted and the revelation blew me away. I decided to share this crunchingly awful and regretful epiphany today in case it helps someone else who, when they step into the fog they share this or a similar realisation, which brings back memories of why they too.... have been carrying a deep and haunting shadow, that has lingered around them in an inevitable doom, an inexplicable betrayal, that now seems ready to be illuminated. Michaela . //////

Its funny but I had been strangely identifying with litte red riding hood, after I recently ordered a red coat and red boots, (not actually arrived yet though). I'd had a lovely woodland walk on the solstice and felt quite calm dreamy but foggy that day. I saw this message the day after the solstice. ANYWAY I did a meditation between the groups. AND OMG The second group confirmed and validated the epiphany I got from the meditation after the first. So A culmination of other energy that I have been figuring out for many years came up for me. The epiphany was the betrayal of 'learned self-abandonment', learned through many cycles of sacrifice. A very deceptive soul tie. Cruel. All the time my 'Malleable' energy was being conspired against, and planned against, for me to accept the fate desired for me by others, which meant my open boundaries were used against me, to accept this fate too. The fantasy was that I created delusions about the situation, to make it sit 'right' with me, to make it more palatable to digest, and even make myself the spiritual hero of the story. The fantasy was also that I was loved for my sacrifice. It gave me my (special) place in the family/community. So as I said, the epiphany was the betrayal of learned self-abandonment, learned through many cycles of sacrifice. Actually many lifetimes of being a sacrifice for family or community. This pushed my energy into acceptance and normality of (what would otherwise be jarring and self destructive) 'self abandonment' through the push to be the sacrifice. Not pretty. Hurts a lot actually. Crocodile turned out to be, not fear of abandonment, but the inevitability of actual abandonment, complete with expected self sacrifice and self abandonment, looping and circling around me in controlled ways. Crocodile lived In the dark waters in a dark cave. Not a great feeling. a constant companion, with constant fear of the inevitable, having to step up to embrace learned self sacrifice as a consequence of my energy being moulded into acceptance of betrayal, to acquire my energy in sacrifice. Always in competition with me, and winning against me, and therefore a natural unfolding of self abandonment results again and again. BUT From very old and ancient days, It is all in fog and could not be seen, ancient circles from 'times of the fog,' Also very much like being being drugged before the sacrifice is killed for the good of the community. Even today Situations trigger me into a state of sleep-walking into them, rather than being seen for what they actually were. Ancient sacrificial rituals from the old times, such as being tied up and Fed to a bear in the forest, or being ritually poisoned, pushed off a mountain or burned alive, any kind of ritual was involved but all wrapped in Fog, Memory is shrouded with a sensation of being drugged. So it is not clear. But at some level Agreeing to it/acquiescing to it/being disempowered by it, ALL to be the 'good and worthy' sacrifice , for the good of the community, tribe, family, and demanding that I deny the anger, deny the fear and deny my self and my life. Must've happened many times, many lifetimes, as the energy is so strong. Repetition ensues today through my repeated allowing of self-abandonment as normal. That this energy comes out from being hidden behind the moon, to be illuminated by the sun in this lifetime must be time to release it. The sun illuminates all darkness that is carried by the soul eventually, but only when you are strong enough to see it. This is hidden and explains so much of the mess and betrayal THAT I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON, TO FREE UP FROM MY BONES AND SOUL. THE Epihany and the ANSWER. omg