" If you're working on your relationship with money or self-worth specifically, this activation is a good time for prayer or ritual that supports positive change and your vision for the future. Pour any intense emotions or revelations into art of any medium or do a vision board, but give expression to the depths you recognize as coming to the surface of your consciousness."

With reference to the previous post shared from Kelly Beard.

.https://foreverunlimited.wordpress.com/2017/10/02/kelly-m-beard-weekly-forecast-october-1-7-2017/

Yesterdays, 3rd October, was a day that I worked on my values, and used the Jim self video on dimensions. The meditation was enlightening, and that I was able to do it,  and open up a new passage on the very day when the stars were aligned for this happen.... is really incredibly cool.

So I wrote this as journal and did not intend to publish it,  but for values sake and completion,
I will.

It is very convoluted and I don't think a reader will actually want to read it. I am just showing how...my version of doing my work goes. ....It will be different to other people, so you don't have to read any further, spend the time to do your own work...

Michaela.

The private journal post, yesterday (3/10) and  saved as a draft was titled as:

I am my own value, I am my own person. I take this moment to Like Myself. 

I decided to use Jim Self's video post "How dimensions work" to work through some recent personal stuff.

I blended the recent stuff  into an amorphous but tangible, unsettling  intensity, and put it altogether on my plate and brought that into my meditation after watching Jim Self's video.

the blend consisted of

• My recent foray into my psychic astrology and the meanings behind all the activity for me. Put simply an exploration into my VALUES, and what are they? Do I have any? Are they really mine, or have they astrologically forced on to me. Or, are these values inherited from the old 3dimension that we grew up in.  Jim Self was telling us all about this in his video.

• A dream, I had recently. I was with my family, but we were not far from eachother but were not all sitting together. We were on a large ferry, we were passengers along with other passengers. The way to describe the passengers would be from the entire cast of "Eastenders" a soap opera based in Londons Eastend. Mostly it was jovial and convivial in a rough Eastenders way but underlining it all was a sense of threat that a fight would break out any moment. 

I grew up in a part of London that had been developed to allow mass rehousing out from the overcrowed tenements of the Eastend. So most people came to this different part of London with their stamp of the Eastend running through their veins, or were like us Irish, and other immigrant families that had further squeezed into the Eastend, we came with our baggage.  For most part the energy is/was very similar to what is depicted in Eastenders scripts, which are of course are the musings of writers that are not part of that geographic and so are stereotypes but for the purposes of understanding and explaining my dream they are adequate.

The feeling from the dream was of an old LONDON type energy, which meanders from:
'hunkering down in the underground systems sheltering from the bombs in the Blitz' energy ,
to the
'sitting around in a pub or club energy that could switch from jokey and laughing, to intense and threatening in the blink of an eye, or indeed the switch of a blade' energy. 

Toward the end of the this dream of being a passenger in among these passengers, on this vast ferry which didn't seem to have any movement or direction, we went to reclaim some items from what looked like a small  baggage carousel. Next to us was a  large and intimidating male, who just swept up and bagged all 'his stuff', along....with all our 'stuff', even my shoes. There was no question, the action was clear and 'he', the large man was not thinking of anything, or looking about, or at us. This was something that was  happening and 'his size' was ensuring that. My shoes were gone.

When talking with a friend about this dream, she interpreted it as having my stuff stolen from under my nose and not having the ability to stand up to the thief. There is some parallel with a real life situations that have been unfolding. Yet I wasn't sure of this.

• A humdinger of an at home argument between me and a loved one. 

So the blend of all the herbs and spices in this mix came together in my meditation.

I got the picture after seeing the video, it is all about my 3rd dimensional value system and disengaging from it because .....I am being disengaged from it...no question, I was just waiting for myself to catch up and realise it.  

1. I was struggling to see what my values are...because in the 3rd dimemsion,  THESE VALUES are not mine. They are what I think they should be within the constrictions and conditions of being alive in the energy systems that they evolved from.....and  I constantly had to work on "seeing" the purpose, (any purpose) and value of  that, ramshackle 3Rd dimensional life. I had to create for myself the values within this matrix and according to, and mixed up with, being contrary to.....the information and beliefs that I had grown up in, . Also throw into the mix  the influence of astrology, education, morality and cultural, political and historical feed.
2. The ferry shows the context in which I had struggled to get a value system which was both borne out of a resistance to the people on the Ferry and from their midst and diversity of that which comes within a cross-cultural upbringing and living in a ever growing multicultural mix. The fact that my shoes were taken, I think,  now means that I no longer have to walk in those shoes. Simply I can be free of that walk. Where that walk means :Holding the values made when you take everything thing into consideration and feeling constriction and limitation and pushing up against my own conditions. I no longer have to have the same value system that was there primarily to see me through and  survive  through the 3rd dimension, bearing in mind a value system is basically deposited on you like a tonne of bricks, and you have to, for sanity sake, make your own sense out it.
3. The humdinger row with a loved one, which was heartbreaking,  SHOWED ME, when I brought it into the meditation, THAT   while I still hold on to values,  that are not mine or are no longer needed by me to survive....that I will not be able to walk further into my dream of being free. Also it showed me that my values were changing from being "based on what I thought I should be doing, not what I wanted to do" and so I am learning that when I am not being present to myself and my true values, I am in conflict with myself and my hopes and dreams. It was my hopes and dreams that brought this to my attention.  I was also shown that I am susceptible to not liking myself and I try to make sense of an insensitive world, and my place in it, by trying to find value and purpose within my adopted value system, which of course is not my true value.  Biggest of all .......I was not able to see my own value system "of liking me,  for Me" unconditionally  I could not see that ....

              .....I am my own value and I am my own purpose. 

The row, 

(which when I went into it, can be translated as.... the loved one (who I associate my taurean hope and dreams with, is actually representing my own anger within for not seeing my value.  So when I was  defending myself, there really was no more reason to keep up a role that had been built on shakey foundations. The role was just   a 'part ' and was conjured up of what I expected of myself, within the false value system that I had in part adopted and in part had thrust on me, and was a value system riddled with hidden conditions and therefore it was throwing out more problems, ....its hard to explain really) 

showed me, 

 I was still being somewhat '3rd dimensional' in my external life BUT primarily from  a 'Nonsense' sense of self ,  and if I remained there, in 3rd dimensional thinking,  I would continue to have the ever-present threat of those switch-blade moments because everything is so conditional in the 3rd. 

In the meditation I decided to affirm that I liked myself....I liked myself enough to enjoy the present moment and take the opportunity to use this present moment to let go of all that came to delivered to me, and that I took as my own....a packaged and gift wrapped in 3rd dimensional paper  'non'sense of self.

I had never really considered whether I liked myself and came to the conclusion that, on the whole and  perhaps contrary to my outer exterior, I did not like myself, and now I know why, when your sense of self is built on a shakey foundation, that needs dismantling, it is going to be of 'no sense'.

So in today's meditation I learned that I no longer walk in those shoes..Thats yesterday's news

and 

I am my own Value and I am my purpose.

I wonder if  this can help anyone out there. 

Michaela.