Too busy for the end of Times. Something is Brewing and its not the tea. October 2012.

 

Brew. Ha ha.

You harvest what you sew. As if I’ve got time to do that as well?

 

As I pull a Pen out of the washing up, I am reminded again that I am rushing. I had a conversation with Queenie earlier this morning at the bus stop.  Queenie is an OAP, a lady in her seventies, I see her often about the shops with her pen and paper writing notes.  I asked her once what she was writing about, she said it was lists of things to do tomorrow. I saw it was bus numbers and road names.  I think she worries that one day she will forget where she is and what she is doing.

Will I forget where I am and what I’m doing?  Probably.  Is that a bad thing? Who knows.  I put the suddsy pen down on the draining board, and begin to load the dishwasher, I am always rushing to clear up and get things done so that I can get on to do the things in my life that I actually want to do. There is never enough time, and all the rushing about, takes all the oomph out of what I want to do.

Loading the dishwasher with dishes and pots that have been washed may seem strange, I am not a perfectionist, it is just that I can’t bear the thought of all that grease blocking and breaking the dishwasher, Why?  Because there is no insurance on it. Can’t quite stretch to that.  Dishwasher? Things can’t be so bad, well no,  I acquired it from someone I know who had bought it, then completely redesigned her kitchen, but without measuring her appliances and found it didn’t fit.  When we collected it, it was a few months old and barely used. Now it was mine. I had grown to love it like a friend.

So it is with shopping, it’s not like I enjoy shopping, it’s just that I seem to be permanently doing it. I drop my youngest at school and then often have to dash to the shops.  The eldest offspring  can eat his way through a multi pack of crisps and kit-kat bars on his way from the kitchen to his bedroom, and his bedroom is on the ground floor opposite the kitchen. He must have prayed for that. He also can finish off litres of milk in bowls of sugar puffs while he waits for his dinner. The cat munches her way through entire bags of Iams, because I keep forgetting when I fed her last, and everyone tops up her bowl because she mews with hunger when anyone enters the kitchen. School packed lunch stuff disappears daily, and with all the rushing around I have to do, it makes sense to keep the wine stocked up.  Wine and Squirty cream: everything looks good with a large squirt of cream.

Also it’s not like I am mind numbingly house proud or that I enjoy the daily frenzied clear up, laundry, dishwashing fandango that goes on.  No. It’s just that every morning we rush getting ready in what  looks like the fallout of a teenager party that has taken place the night before. Teenagers don’t live here, I only have two children, and their father attaches himself to the sofa each evening and remains there until early morning when he wakes up, wakes me up then goes to work. So how is the house wrecked on a daily, after school, basis? Don’t ask me, I am in the kitchen, planning how to mention the ‘Homework’ word.  That’s another thing, since when and why, does their homework, become my problem and responsibility, like I haven’t got enough to do.

I rush todays tidying and decide to forget about washing the football boots because I’ve got some important form filling to get done. Always one step ahead, only just, in this LASTMINUTE.com household, I am acutely aware these forms are waiting for me on the ironing board, put there so I won’t forget them. The youngest child, starts secondary school in September. The forms for each school choice, need my undivided attention. It is October and soon half term.

I start looking through the forms, gritting my teeth, she would do well in Hogwarts or St.Trinians.

I have an uneasy feeling, like I’ve forgotten something, or not done something or that something is brewing , I can’t figure out exactly what it is that I need to be on top of.  It is.. like uh…uh…Oh well, I can’t think about that now…Where did I put that pen?

Forms filled, choices put into order. I look around at the chaos, smugly waiting for me tackle it. I have so many theories about chaos. It is there to challenge me. To push me to new boundaries and to stretch my limits.  I take advantage of the fact that the next football mud collection won’t arrive till saturday and get out the vacuum.  I push the vacuum cleaner around and pick up all the stray rubbish that refuses to be vacuumed  noticing, more, the sun that shines in through the windows making life look so good outside.  I long to be outside, walking in the country under the sun drenched branches of trees.  I long to free myself from the bindweed of chaos that I instinctively and reactively react to, by trying to clear it and organise it. It is October 2012 ,  It is nearly the end of the world and I’m inside, vacuuming.

 The business of the end of the world is strange. Some people are clearly obsessed with it. Panic buying, storing and stockpiling food and provisions. Others don’t seem to know about it at all, this is most people.  These people are ignoring the connection between all the global disasters.  Others  have been waiting for this for all their lives. TV, radio and global corporations and the financial world are saying nothing.  Some read avidly about the Mayan Calendar prophecies and other streams of internet material. There are scientific and astrological anomalies happening daily.  Heavenly bodies are accumulating and doing strange things in outer space. The earths core is playing around with her magnetic field and that is mucking up things for us on the earths crust.  Everything is cresendoing into Volcanoes, floods , tsunamis, and  earthquakes,  hurricanes, famines and drought.  The financial world and the large institutions that control this world are falling apart in spectacular ways.  Some people are really scared that December 2012 is the beginning of the End. Others, like me, believe that yes something big is happening .  The dirt and filth that is being kicked up as the earth churns up the grief of human mischief  back into our view is a sign. The signs tell us that The consequence  of our misdeeds,  marauding around the world, pillaging, plundering, raping and killing eachother,  the consequence of the great human pastime, WAR, is boomeranging back to bite us all on the face. There is something brewing.  But is it the end of the world?

 

‘It’s not fair’ I hear the cry. ‘I didn’t ever kill, anyone, or rape or pillage or plunder’. Well, no, neither did I, Yet. I have been tempted. That’s the nature of humans to think its ok to think this murderous stuff. We deceive ourselves that if it all looks ok on the outside, than nobody really knows the depths of darkness that lurks in our souls. Planning to kill someone is a bad vibration, as is most of the vibrations that humanity tend to oscillate in.

Mostly we vibrate from our shadow selves. The funny thing is, we don’t actually recall most of what rolls around in our minds. It can be loose cannon thoughts, runaway steam train thoughts, malice, jealousy, hurt mainly, self protection and self sabotage.  A continuous stream of self dialogue that runs like a sound track through our life. We mostly only acknowledge the face we give out there to the external world and the words we put our voice to when we speak to others. Mostly this does not really match our inner machinations.

It’s time to wake up to our shadow self and examine every last bit of it, in this lifetime , oh and all other lifetimes as well. I can see the raising of eyebrows.  It is possible that we have all committed crimes against other humans in our other lives and we hold the vibration of that darkness close to our soul.  Being asleep through life is what we normally do. We are unconscious in thought and action and leave residue of each deed and choice like a snails trail behind us. To wake up and clear out our stuff, for some will be like spring cleaning our homes, but most of us it will be like putting ourselves through the car wash, excruciatingly painful. ‘How do I start?’ I hear the enthusiastic cry.

Years ago, would have been better, is the answer.


May 2013.

As we all know the world didn't end  in December 2012 as some anticipated. But it was never meant to, it was  the end of that cycle of time and the beginnining of the Next. The  Golden Age. We are now peddling madly into the New time, and New time is rushing us through the finishing up of all that old business.  To be in the Golden age we have to be golden souls, hence the craziness going on.

Hold tight and get centred, the faster we get, the more unwanted stuff that we have gathered to us, over the duration of however long we have been cultivating it, will be stripped off.   Willingly or unwillingly, we are required to let it go.

We are in the space of Now time, now.