HeArts Hub, (name taken from my InspiredheArt Blog) Post 1: I am 'Marrying myself'!!!! Synchronicities and self love.

This is a simple way to honour yourself. By seeing yourself in its depths,  in all its parts, and hold them together like a bouquet of meadow flowers and grasses. You have the marriage of self.

This part of my 'growing in self-love story' starts with my birthday in January.
January and the weather is always cold and bleak, often dreary. I used to celebrate my birthday but now, exhausted from multitasking all the intervening years,  I just don't have the inclination to celebrate. I have been saying for some years that I want to celebrate my birthday on a different day, a day in June.

So, this thought came back to me this year, and earlier in March, I actually decide to do this, have my birthday in June. I wanted a special day for me, where I put myself first and celebrate who I am and how far I have come, do something joyful and heartfelt. I loved this idea and let it unfold...But as with all things, I did not anchor it in time and lock it in....I somehow managed to talk myself into making it a special for other reasons. Maybe I wasn't special enough to do this for me.
So I have to bring another aspect in....
I talked myself into arranging an even bigger special occasion, about NOT JUST ME,  and decided to combine it with the idea of getting married to my partner.
 I am so not a conformist, but I somehow got carried away the notion of getting married to my partner, AND forgetting the real focus, AND turned it into something for everyone else.

My partner is SO NOT into big events, he is so low key and does not like a fuss, let alone being called into the centre of attention. But for reasons I guess show that even though I wanted a BIG DAY for me to be special, I HAD to validate that bringing on permission to do so by turning it into a Wedding Day...
I had wanted a special day and 'me being me' wasn't a big enough deal for doing a special day.

There are other reasons that My partner for 30 years and I should probably get married but they are boring (3rd dimensional tax,children wills,  land and estates (I jest) etc,)  so I wont go into them here.

So my partner agreed, (I said we could have a fish&Chip supper) and the date I chose was this coming summer solstice, June 21st.

The money transfer for getting the registrar and doing a wedding, is quite simply out of our reach, but we went to a few different venues to try get a plan. I wanted Bournemouth, a seaside town on the south coast, and I looked into and exhausted all the variables, to try to get something simple, something we both would like. Something quirky and spontaneous.


As soon as the word 'Wedding' is mentioned,  the cash tills come out and the costs go flying, so even while trying keep it low key the expense is high.   Finally we got some kind of plan together and we decided to include our family.  A big day is BIG day, and both of our families  hadn't had much to celebrate for such a long time so it would be nice to GIVE THEM something to celebrate, 'an older  couple in their fifties getting married' (smile)

So that's when the problems started. The main players in any wedding, i.e THE MOTHERS, became the problem. Certain venues were off the list because they did not have proper disabled toilets for my mother. Then it turned out that my partner's mother was going to be away at a hen weekend in Benidorm dressed as a cow girl. Also we realised that our teenagers would be doing their GCSE's and A levels, and the dates of the exams due to finish  in June have not been given out yet....The date was not fitting with my partners brother in California who was coming to the UK in July, and my own sister would not be able to come at that time due to her own business...

Well, we could just get on with it, and not have people there, which was a great idea, but it would cause SO much upset.....

 Instead of being annoyed that my plans to do something special had been sidelined by the needs of EVERYONE ELSE, I sat in the garden and had a good think.

The whole idea began with me wanting to do something special for me, a summer birthday.
Why should I let the fact that a wedding cannot be on that date for everyone else's reasons, when the date was originally set for me, stop me from celebrating my birthday??

So I chewed on over this, and then came to an illumined moment,
I came back to the original 'Aspecial day' to celebrate me,
and to celebrate all things that were coming together inside me, to recognise  Me, and the marrying of those parts...

I had somehow distracted myself  from Special Birthday into a Wedding Moment, when what was being called for was a 'wedding moment for me'.

I am going to Marry myself.

On the day I want, with myself present, maybe one or two others that 'get it'.  

It isn't about everyone else, and never was. I just got sidelined back into the 'groove' of doing stuff to keep everybody happy.

So,  I have the shoes, I have the dress, I can get some flowers and find a nice beach location, or a meadow, or bench in the park, a nature reserve, or the garden, the town square, a restaurant, or on a  train ride to Amsterdam...

I can be with friends or just BE with myself.
I will write the words that I will say to myself, and that is it!
I plan just to have a lovely day marrying myself. And it will be 21st June, the solstice.

I might even have my beautiful wacky way-out daughter as maid-of-honour, (whatever 3rd dimensional thing that is) because she has also been the hard task master, whose wild and fiery ways have helped me see my own 'separated and angry,' younger selves and 'inner children', and triggered my inner streams of anger and loss, so that I could finally bring them back to me and integrate them within me. It is about marrying of all your parts, which includes your scary shadows.

This recovery and 'self-love' story is not all love and light, sometimes you just have to be with the awful stuff until feels right, and then you can love it. People around you, mirror back to you the sadness or horror of those fragments of your lost selves.

I am pretty sure that a celebration of self love by self -marrying is the way to go...anyone can do it.
I think it will catch on and start a new trend. You heard it here first....(smile).

 I will set up a plan, an idea of the ceremony and whereby a person can celebrate themselves, by marrying all their parts back into one.

You can be single, never loved, married or be part of a couple, or a group, or any variable of human expression you identify with  AND you CAN have a self marrying ceremony.

You can share this expression and have people who resonate with it and you, to be your witness, or you can just have nature as your witness. 
Whatever, whoever, and wherever.....but we know when its time for us to stand up and declare self love, we can say that we have come this far and love ourselves for it.


Michaela

I refer you back to this reminder from Kari Samuels:

Your pain, traumas, tragedies, and trials have all brought you greater gifts and opportunities. All of the experiences you have gone through have strengthened your soul. 

You are luminous!