100 % presence. The holly and the Ivy. Our relationship with our Chiron wound, pulling back the self energy that is drained to it ~~ Being 100% and "put proper gold in your energy wallet" Michaela.

Had an immense last few days. Without going into too much personal detail, because that will distract from the actual story I am telling today, I was washed down the plug hole of my own personal Chiron wound story.

I was stuck in a situation that I revisit every week and devote huge amounts of my personal energy too, which I do lovingly and almost unconditionally!

This time I was caught up in circumstances that meant I had to stay for another 24 hours, then another, and the whole thing was getting bigger threatening to engulf me for the next two days and possibly even the next 14 days.

My reaction to this situation which was beginning to consume me was actually disproportionate to what was going on. My reaction and response was feeling swamped in a situation not of my making and trapping me, suffocating me. During the first 24 hours I felt like I was going mad, literally. It was journey into the ASTRAL madness of deep, deep emotions, and I was stuck. Like I said the outside situation that brought this to me wasn't as bad as my inner emotions were reflecting back to me.

I knew after a while that this was me being being dragged into my chiron wound, much like water flowing down the plughole of a bath, but i went with it into  TWILIGHT zone where it was only dark.

I could not resolve the outer situation until I had been emersed fully, lived  through and resolve by baptised in the water of emotion, that I had not seen before I started my journey to open my chiron wound and look deeply within.


During this time I 'knew' the wound needed to be brought out, but the pain i was squirming in was disportionate to the event that brought this 'opportunity' to me, but I could not see how to resolve it.

I felt like I wanted to go and cut some branches in the garden of the house, the gold of the little round leaves had been gleaming through the back window from far down the dark and gloomy wintery wet
 garden, and finally I went out and took a few small branches to bring inside. The leaves were live little gold coins. I had the words, from the poem 'The Holly and the Ivy' also in my head, so I was then drawn to take some branches of holly and swathes of ivy, I brought them all into the house and arranged them in vases. Lighting a candle, I looked at the lovely blessing of the little gold coins leaves, and then realised I had arranged the holly and the ivy around a candle and it looked like an alter. This small moment taken was a pleasure to me, It is the way I do 'creativity', and reach deep into something where I connect with 'creativity' and acknowledge 'spirit and natural' and it is my intuition that calls me to this.

.....it came to me much later, after this whole situation crisis, that when we 'create' ALTARs, with candles, stones, shells, leaves etc, we actually are invoking the ALTERNATIVE to 3d, we are calling our in supernatural, our natural links with the mysterious beyond the 3d veil, which we are always linked to but feel they are separate from us. This Alternative option of bringing in and opening our links with the 'supernatural' forces of our beings, is what most people would term Magik. It brings to our human selves their spiritual counterpart, their heavenly resources deeply woven through us but forgotten resources....which is why the human ego stumbles, feeling too small and inadequate, and not equipped for the material life. This is why we struggle, humans do not believe in they part of the weave of life, magic and innate, natural and nature, are all parts of us that we have forgotten is our divine counterpart.    

That night the crisis went even more wrong, meaning that I , and my energies would have to be tied
up in it for another 24 hours and possible for another 14 days.

I cried for a long while, something I just don't do. I usually ignore that deeer emotional outlet and let the despair build up and push it down deeper...After I cried, and as I went to sleep, I resolved that I was NOT going to be tied into this any longer.

After the 'creativity'~~ the stillness in creating the altar... and then the long time 'crying'~~  which i now know meant that that I WAS BEING FULLY PRESENT~~ 100%, I resolved 100% that this situation was not going to keep me tied up in it for another 14 days. In the morning I 'checked out', expecting that I would come back to it to deal with it for the next 24 hours....but I had to get 'HOME' to do what I had to do to end this crisis, to shorten its drain on my energies.

Back at my home, and before I could return to 'deal with the next part of the situation, in the early afternoon I had a phone call telling me that the situation had been fixed. I felt so light and happy.
I did not have to tend to this situation for another 24 hours let alone the next 14 days. Full Stop.
This was confirmation that what needed to be done by ME for ME had been done in 100% presence and commitment to it. Madness as it was...it was pulling me to see where I was unknowingly engaging with the wound that I could not see, but that was taking large portions of my energy in which to engage with. Leaving me little energy of self, and denying myself the 100% I need to be present in a conscious and NOW energy....the wound was bringing me down...but it was time to be 'feel it' to 'heal it'.

So I learned that this complex physical situation, was a  crisis that allowed me to climb fully into my chiron wound and be 100% present with it. During this time I left 3d reality and entered a weird world of madness, that is what happens when you visit the deeper internal void which is the 'invisible' unseen emotional centre that colours practically all you do, and how you operate. It disfunctions and distorts, but rarely does someone get to the crux of it, unless you have 'done' with it, and its presence serves you no longer, you get to work out the Karma balance/imbalance and lessons brought to you, by your dear unseen self.

I recently wrote about integrating all parts of self, so that parts of  your energy are engaged separately in separate relationships, so that 10 % is here, 5% is there, 20% is over there, embedded in relationships with other, and large percentages are embedded in the chiron wound... which leaves little or nothing for the SELF.

 Its about pulling back 100% for self, in which to be strong and  solid, and in becoming a redeeming beacon of the self,  for the self...in that way you can be 100% in every relationship, and especially for the self. It was practically so that nearly 75% of my energy had been 'lost' to engaging with an enemy within...The chiron wound, is when we engage with the pain of our separation from source, it affects us differently, and usually don't know we are doing it....or the extent that we are doing it to, nor we do know how our deleted energy then affects the solidity in our multidimensional self, we become scattered and fragile.

I also knew that Kali energy was with me, decay and death, destruction...of the illusion. I had felt like I was being gripped and squeezed by very tight arms.....after it was all over, I felt held by those same arms, but nourished and protected now. Kali doing her stuff.... 

• 1. sensing there is a chiron wound, but not sure how to go about looking at it.
• 2. a crisis arises usually in or around events or situations or people in which the chiron wound (astrologically and karmically determined) manifests, it is different for each person.
• 3. going deep into the energy of the triggering crisis, feeling the despair, resentment, sadness, anger or loss that comes up. CRYING is good, it releasing the years of embedded strained emotion
• 4. allowing those feelings to be fully unleashed
• 5. sensing through all of this~~ the delicate kite tails of 'creativity' and of innate or natural life force that you can land for yourself, laughing, singing, incantation etc.anything that is listening to your own  intuition.. and that form intuitive ribbons that allow you to twist and weave your PHYSICAL self BACK into connection with its  natural life force powers, find ways however small that give you some PHYSICAL connection with your HIGHER POWERS, they will be in ways however small or seemingly odd, that occur to you to do
• 6. locking out all other distractions,such as explaining away, dechipering through intellelect, You just need to be in the situation 100%. Immerse yourself 100%. It is about you physically  combining with life force, self energy, finding your spiritual counterpart to your physical self in matter This also sets the pattern for being in the self totally and from being twinned with your innate, natural, supernatural counterpart~~ you become Whole.
• 7. the Heart opens from being closed off....the chiron wound is merely the reminder to self that the heart is closed down.
• 8. The Whole self, restructures into a unification of self, a 100% being which  then reconciles with the wholeness and unification of all. Your phyiscal self going through the material world then sees that in truth there is no separation...
• Separation of parts of self and separation from ALL THAT IS no longer exists, and the Chiron wound has done its job.
• The illusion is destroyed.

As I often say this blog is a journal of my journey, I am not always grammatically correct and can't be bothered to check all spellings. What is put out in my blog  it isn't for everyone. But it might just help someone going through similar....

Michaela.
N.B. Spellings~words~ energy and vibration of words~ 'Spells'....magic~Magic~MajiK~Maji. A Maji is a wise one, a Master....it is all about mastering ourselves and learning to be a master.
Everything connects us to Everything else...All That is. We are here to master that magic into our lives. We must learn to use our 'words' to create our story wisely. We create through our words and actions from the 'magic' inside us, but if we ignorant of that magic, the 'spells' turn against because we are NOT using them as beings from a full 100%  unification.
The words we use become spells that is the ' majik' we use to create our story.

and from a previous post.

The words you speak become the house you live in. ~ Sufi Saying

  The http:spells//www.crystalinks.com/magie.htmlword Magi comes from an Indo-European root meaning great, exalted, raised up.

Many English words coming from the same root, such as magic, magnificent, majesty, master, megalith, and even magnetics, still retain some of this original sense.

So I managed to tie the events of the last three days, to clarify to myself what had gone on,  in an email to a friend.

So, Like I said the last three days I let go to get pulled down completely into the chiron wound plughole...into the invisible classroom of water like in my dream.

 I said I was 'pushed' or 'drawn' to go out into the gardens  and bring in the golden leaves, also to collect some holly and Ivy, which I did and made a little arrangement, 

it was a tiny act of 'creativity' that I like to do but that I didn't realise till now,  is like filling your reserves with 'natural energy resources' that is like magic.

Also considering I was nearly having a nervous breakdown, and it didn't make sense, it was a strange thing to want to do.
I was crying down the phone dealing with this crisis.

But I see now its about turning your attention to seeing the natural/innate magic and letting that nature, natural magik fill your reserves....put proper gold in your energy wallet~~~~to aid the poor struggling human part

 that cannot see that they are part of something bigger, as the poor struggling human, falls deeper into the chiron wound because they  believe they are separate from source/god/nature  all the things that human feels he is not part of or that he is separate.  The chiron wound is how this
left alone in life feeling manifests differently for each of us.
At the time I kind of knew that the holly and the ivy, and the gold coin leaves  meant something, because I kept looking at them.. but only just figured it out....Its letting your connection with magic and creativity fill you up so that you can be 100% in all that you do and dream, it is your connection with source that if you let it,  pulls you back up through the chiron wound plughole.
The qualities and elements of the these leaves were the resources that I needed to do and see this.
Fill your energy wallet with whatever it is you need, if you listen it will tell you what you need and what reserves and resources there are for you to get down and ugly with your chiron wound. Speak soon.....Also its the end of Mercury retrograde today, use it well.
love Michaela. xxx

   

Holly is considered the male counterpart to the female Ivy. ... This stability gives you a generosity of spirit and a very matter-of-fact solidness that others ...

Holly - The Goddess Tree

www.thegoddesstree.com/trees/Holly.htm

   Medicinal properties: The powdered leaves were brewed into a healing tea for measles, ... Holly is considered the male counterpart to the female Ivy. ... This stability gives you a generosity of spirit ad a very matter-of-fact solidness that others ...

Also strongly related to this is my recent post on Kali's Boon.
This is a relationship world, whereby we exist and experience ...
through the world of our RELATIONSHIPS. 
It is our relationship with our different aspects that bring forth the change in consciousness.
 It is our relationship with things like LOVE, like SELF, like Mother energy, father energy.....our personal relationship with our body and our relationship with our mind, soul, spirit, and with OTHER...which are each faceted off into separate relationship portals....
.
WHEN ACTUALLY, in REALITY IT IS ALL ONE~~each 'seemingly outer' relationship is a merely a facet of OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR own Inner SELF, but they are seen and experienced as fragmented outward into many different external relationships....like many ribbons coming off a maypole, ribbons or threads of self.....

....and I need, at this moment to pull them altogether into the ONE relationship with SELF.

That way I am not fragmented as each ribbon uses up its small portion of limited energy resource. When there is true unification of the self, into the pole as it were, then there is unification with source and then you are a personification of the ONE, by being ONE within yourself.
The constellation of YOU pulls all its power into the ONE of self and reflecting the ONENESS.

While we keep these ribbons floating out there, in the belief that they are separate to us.. or separate to our internal workings, and while we treat them as aspects that are 'different' to us, so that we may then  compartmentalise them as 'Other than the truth of what what we are'...
...eg. Worker, Employer, Employee, Mother, Father, daughter, son, Guru, Aspirant, good and bad, black and white, and so on... each requiring different attention and priority and energy to drive them on, we assign to them different role play and archetypical behaviour and thus we LIVE IN and accept outside patterns or programs that we believe are necessary
...We are leading ourselves in a not very merry dance of trying to be what we are not and expecting others to adhere to patterns and behaviours that they are not either..it is illusory.
.....What we are doing is reducing the full power of being in the 'ONE' at all times, in  each MOMENT.

Each ribbon shows a fragmented aspect of self when not unified, and are seen as separate units to be understood and 'dealt with' separately ...units such as money, each  relationship with 'other' we have, our spirituality, and relationships we have with everything in our lives, eg, work, death, aspiration, inspiration....
... everything is separated and compartmentalised so that EGO can deal with it.

All are ribbons that dance around the maypole. How we are in  those relationships are dictated by the EGO, The EGO keeps the parts of  self, separate from self.... because ego does not know that self is actually a streamlined body of source energy that is in continuous flow with source energy...and therefore EGO exhausts itself by separating stuff out, to deal with it and contain it separately.



Anyway, so I am contemplating this....in my meditation this morning, I felt so weak, nauseous with the masses of energy play over the weekend, plus the mass of people and relationship energy coming to me last night. I had been exhausted on the journey back, and been in a deep sleep and was still dreaming as I  awoke....

So in meditation  I ask to merge with my higher self,
 beings of light and guides that will help me with this...I wanted unification with self.

Then I could see all the hugging going on last night..., I see arms...
Then I could see many arms on one body.
Then I could see  'Kali'....
Kali energy, 'black' and beautiful was merging with me. The beautiful KALI soft and strong, caring and ONE.

I do not know anything about Kali, apart from 'Kali the destroyer' and the blue or black lady god with several arms, so I looked up Kali and found some material., but my mind isn't taking it in, It doesn't need to, i
it can't really. 

My mind desperately wants to be kept in the 'loop' that the spiritual stuff is sweeping me through...so  I am learning to unify in myself for this to happen, then there will be no different aspects where mind is separate....The aim is for just one big unified me...with a few arms on each side for all the hugging.

So to me the Kali energy is essence to the evolutionary story.
First we put things in place in our lives, in this episode of our evolution, in this manifest universe,  such as parents, situations, relationships, events, downfalls, etc. that forward our individual evolution episode; chaos or harmony, it is a dance that our souls must take. It is like immersion into something that will deliver to us what is most needed for our evolution, in this episode. In much the same way that we put a glass of water by the bed, so that when we wake up in the night we can take a drink of water, when it is needed,  it is as simple as that...

Second she reminds us that this is a just episode. Her reminder that death and decay is so that we see  this is illusory only, and a story. Simply put, decay is a reminder that this episode is merely a marking on a road that when passed, has lead you to where you most needed to be, to learn from. Again simply put,  when we go to the fridge to see that the tomatoes are starting to decay...its a reminder that decay and death means that we are not in this episode forever, it is but a passing moment and we are transient, there is decay and there is death but all passes as it should through the episode in which we find ourselves...

Finally Kali reminds that with our arms, we can embrace other, and when we do, we embrace ourselves, because we are one. When we hug another, we hug an aspect of ourselves that is out there on a ribbon of our maypole. We are learning that we are One. A unified self will learn that we are all aspects of Oneness, and so that starts with self.

If we use our arms to be destructive, we are only harming ourselves.
Didn't you ever wonder why they call guns, ammunition, explosives and weapons 'ARM's
or armoury?

Michaela.