The post that was held back in draft from June 9th. Now posting today. A note to add, is that I had been reading Gabor Mate work a year or two in advance regarding Truama, and ADHD, I had been working in Eucational Psychologist office and had learned a lot about the diagnosis for ADHD and ADD and Autism, But I was interested too in Gabor Mate's work... So I had been busy for a long time, putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 4000. (....and edited again today, apologies for bad typos and wrong grammar, but I am not writing a journal, not authoring a novel. But rereading this has linked me back to the spirit of soul retrieval) Post from June 9th 2026 ////// Black Dog s and hungry Ghosts. Healing Purge. 1. as mentioned in previous post. HUNGRY GHOSTs. Playground, parks. not going going home...kicked out of heart. Strenuous and tenuous stretching of nervous system. Black Dog and little black doggy. All streaming in and converging. Will be hard to talk about each one separately as they contrive to bring coherence and culmination to my heart wound healing, which began consciously in my 20's. This may all sound woo-woo or gobbledy-gook to you, but healing is the retrieval of fragments which were lost in many many places, and will need a woo-woo map to find. So I am presenting the various streams of synchronicity's and the metaphors, in the way they are showing up and as chronologically arranged as possible... in the lead to tying it all up neatly into a bow.

XXXX In my 20's, when I first started angelic healing and card readings, the 'healing your heart' kept showing up. I kept thinking, why? what is wrong with my heart? XXXX1. There have been synchronicities circulating alot, these are recurrig hints, and haunts, jingles, chimes, words phrases and metafors..To do with parks and playgrounds. Mainly beginning with me, in the last two months, returning to visit a local park, now regularly, with the puppy. A park I used to play in when we moved to the area in 1977. when I was 12. XXXX. I have always carried an eerie feeling with me, like the feeling of an empty park or playground at twilight when there is no one around. XXXX. Last 6 months have been intensifying with emotional pains. The last few months has increased outside manifestations causing this grief to be exhausting. the last two weekend especially so. Recovering from the weekend just past, when i do get the chance to breathe into whats happening, i get random illustrations of whats happening in visual imagery. The first visual imagery 'post-it notes' were of a white, translucent flesh or tissue that was hurting with a throb, lying unmoving, conscious but not conscious. Then, later it was of a knife cutting into it. It was at this stage, that i realise that the tissue was like the flesh and water of blisters, that had grown around a wound. The knife going in was excruciating and left me speechless. And helpless, I had to surrender as I was not sure what was going on..Aas the weekends events got harder to bear psychically, (you have to realise that this is all psychic shadow work and the outer physical me is usually coping with everything on the surface by Masking. So no one would be seeing 'this'. There is more to this , but that is for discussion another day). The Later part of the visual imagery was the knife loosening a pearl under the tissue material and retrieving it as If from from the flesh of an oyster. Later the knife was used to cut a tendon/ligamnet like tissue that seemed to be cording the pearl to the tissue and was ripe to be cut. As if Cord cutting. Pearl. A pearl of wisdom had been accrued and had reached cultivation. This underwater imagery of deep sea diving, comes often to me, and is linked with being under or drowning in the emotions beneath the surface, that perhaps you are not quite aware of. XXX The black dog is long associated with depression. Our old pet cat died brutally sadly in feb, and I was greiving in a way which deep and seemed to be actually trawling back through my whole life and allowing me to touch the pain of past griefs that were not able to be processed, or that were tooo deep to be found, but were calling from somewhere. I was assisted in my grief for the cat, by giving myself permission to cut myself off and giving space to feel it, as Often before i was not allowed to/did not know to/life gets in and does not give you time to /// Anyway It was not my plan, and still deep in grief, life situations bought a little black shaggy puppy to live in our home. The depression I felt, and was quite OKAY to continue with as it felt comfortable and familiar to be in, was looking at this little black doggy now, quite bemused, in the same way a BIG OLD BLACk DOG would be watching the antics of a little black doggy scampering about, playing eating, chewing everything, finding their voice from baby woof to surprising little bark. The theme was not lost on me, I had been be shown my black dog, by looking at the little black doggy. And the the 'old black dog' living under the stairs in my heart, started to melt, and it felt warmth and protective, motherly and nurturing towards this new baby. Little black doggy. charge. So we, They, me, now spend most of our time together.Nothing grwon up and serious gets done properly, as I write now little black doggy is asleep by my feet. And so here is where I lead us back to the park....I spend a lot of time taking little black doggy for walks around the park. Her little heart is so full of life, i feel it beating and enjoy how she loves the feeling of 'life' in her body as it gives rise to jumps runs wines and barks, licks and love and the affection that only a dog owner would know. It is delightful to watch each outburst of delight at and the slighteset of movements she is enthralled with being herself totally. And she needs me too. I had never had a dog before and never felt inclined to be tied to the dependant nature. XXXX The emphasis here is one that is leading me back to the exuberant child, I once was. Always out, always playing, but in very dark places. Without the whole story you just have to take my word for it. XXXX I was exhausted today and really ready for a meditation aftre a crazy weekend. Not easy with little black doggy. But finally she falls asleep by me and I could NON SLEEP DEEP REST, chill, go into meditation and I asked for metaphors and clarity. The image came up of a park and the playground space. it was eerie. Not especially the park near me, but of the empty TWILIGHT park and playground of my earlier world, as a child, in my psyche. As children we would roam in feral gangs into the three or four parks in the nearby area, and sometimes be there til late. In the visual meditation, in this space it was twilight, and scary, and being in the playground was not a place to be for a young child. There were two men also, but my images played down their role, and is something to possibly come back to if I decide to delve deeper. But the overall narrative was along the lines of: Being in the park was safer than Home. Which does not seem strange to me, but obviously questions arise which I have addressed in earlier healing. The feeling I am left with, is " Its safer being in a twilight zone, in a playground and park, where children remain, who do not feel safe in their homes....." XXXX HUNGRY GHOSTS is a book by Gabor Mate. I started looking into his work on trauma over three years ago. Everything he wrote made sense and helped me to accomodate, and shift space for a very particular healing of childhood trauma. Which was also running pararrel to the familal and ancestral healing I was already doing both consciously and unconsciously. Towards which, there is a cumulative coherence arrived at today in this space. Hungryy ghosts in the context of the meditative space today was of lost children finding paths through dangerous forests, without the guidance of parents, who had long ago lost themselves in different forests. But maybe that is the story. I had thought I was same as everybody else, it took me 50 years to try to accomplish that, before realising I was most definitely NOT. Then it took the last 5 years to break that down completely, and see HOW I am very different, and then the last 2 years to find out who I actually am. Thecamera showing me through the healing lens stopped on the image of a child who could not feel safe at home and was always to remain 'outside'...which fermented and repeated out, over the years, right up till later life, and in different ways, bringing similar protagonists of the same quality into my sphere. Bringing the same kind of 'hurts and dangers' Outside Inside, and the result is being kicked out of my heart. Not able to find safety there. Remember this is meditative symbols and metaphores of the psyche and of the astral, where the strong thoughts and imense are pushed out to, to fill and exist in that realm. XX Kicked out of my heart, is the space of heart healing where you never really in this life, felt safe enough to be who you are and aloud with your voice, in your hearts space. Taking residence in your heart space spiritually is one thing, but physically is quite another. The healing meditation today showed me the journey of being in the forest, of being in the twilight park, has found a stride to where the child finds solidarity with a 'future presence', that has rescued something that the child did not know was lost, and did not know needed rescuing. In the last of the visual imagery, a father conjured itself out of ME, out of my skin and bones and stepped from the future, a grown divine masculine figure, to come back to the park and pick up the child, take her home and show her it was safe. The image was a familiar one of my now adult son. A male adult who shows such cute love to the little black doggy, in such a way that it blinked its way into my healing meditation, and showed me the futures gift of a soft kiss on the head, salved the way open. for a little girl from the past.

XXX