Yeah, sure....well, more of a 'contented that things aren't going to explode' happy.
Not really jumping for joy happy!
Oh yeah, so why is that then. Why are you content?
Well I am content in that I have acted, and continue to act with integrity, to preserve with care, and curate with care, and I have carried out the duties of caring for my children and family to the best of my abilities and putting them always first. I seem to be a curator of lives around me.
Oh yeah, so why do you do that?
Its easier to curate for others than to create for me. Also I know how tangled you can get caught up in the miasma of others energy systems, so I tip toe around these others energies. I don't this want for my children. I want them to be who they are and express that with joy and confidence....
Why?
Because I could not as a child, and it has remained a pattern for me into adulthood. Tip toeing around, not fully integrated with myself and not really standing in my power, and definitelynot seeing the joy in my life.
A few days ago, I made the intention, to call forth, from the inner planes, where all is..
- trust in the process,
- freedom to feel the wealth and joy of life,
- and liberation from all worry, (including financial worry and other stuff that tends to produce the biological stress response, which closes down all systems..)
The prayer for this was taken from :
Sunday, 9 September 2018
So...it is through my actions, thoughts and Inner guidance that I will fully experience all I have called forth into manifestation..
I had been doing this for a few days when all images and feelings about water, power and feelings came through....
and then...
The penny dropped today.
With all this talk of water, emotions, dams, restraining orders, restrictions, feelings, power...etc...I remembered.
As a child I had a great imagination, I loved drawing and playing, laughing smiling and chatting. Imaginative play was great even better when another child or more could join in. I remember as a 4 year old at nursery, creating play roles of being a Blue witch, and inventing a whole world around that in a tent in a nursery classroom. Seeing the teachers as adults equal to me, but not on my wavelength and so having to be different when around them.
I went to a Catholic school school and often we were beaten, it was shocking but didn't seem to be a betrayal...it was life. I had already built up system to deal with that.
As a child I loved nothing more than running about outside, barefoot in the summer, and not feeling the rain or cold in the winter. The type of freedom we experience as children changes with the times.
My true joy was running through the wild dunes of our beach in Ireland. Even now when I return to Ireland, the smells as the heat rises off the dunes fills me with joy. The smells of dunes bring me back to that freedom. The strange thing is, the child is still there, she left me long ago, she fragmented away from me and watches me silently from her hiding place in those dunes.
So back to today, I was looking at my laptop, when the page froze. There was no budging it. the page was frozen on this page.
Monday, 10 September 2018
"Now, when you allow yourselves to feel all of the feelings that come up within you, you are much more in the flow of the high frequency energies that are all around you. And if you can access those higher frequency energies, you can know true power. The next step for all of you will be not fearing that power. Power has been given a bad name by those who have abused it, but the power that you access by allowing all emotions to flow through you and by accessing the truth of who you are as Source Energy Beings, that power, could not and would not harm a fly." Suppressed Emotions & Power ∞The 9th Dimensional Arcturian Council
It has been said over and over again to hide your emotions. As children, even when you were in a state of absolute joy, you were told to calm down when there were other people who could be disturbed by your joyful behavior. You were told you should not be crybabies. You were told something was wrong with your outburst of rage, and it was called a rage attack. You were told that you should not be scaredy-eyed, and you were taught that love is only appropriate between men and women.
And so all of your emotions, negative or positive, have been pushed away by a member of your family, a teacher, or even a clergyman. And so you had less access to what really makes you strong-willed.
And my eye kept being drawn back to this part. The page was frozen, I couldn't move it. So I looked more deeply at it...
Then I saw in slow motion, a repeating scene from my own childhood, as if watching an old cine camera.
The images were of me and my brother and sister, all of us small, 3 years 4 years and 5 years of age, waking as children do and going in to their parents room. Then my father rushing out angry as hell, and beating us.
This was every morning as small children.
My mother worked as a nurse, and so my father had to look after us in the evening, getting children to bed isn't always easy...so often we would be beaten.
This was a repeated occurrence.
But what came to me today, was the child waking in the morning, a sense of adventure for the day to begin, a joy of being with the flow. Then WHAM
Crack and wallop.
I must have learned soon, that early morning joy, seizing the day, standing in my power and seeking the adventure was an energy that brought me a shocking assault to my systems.
I saw how I must have then learned the art of staying small, tip toeing, not bothering the outside aggravators, and so little by little my sense of adventure and joy at being alive withered to a manageable unit.
The feeling of running around wild outside on the streets in London, and for those few glorious weeks in the summer, through the dunes in Ireland, was the real wild me as a child....but it was not compatible with the emotional freeze that happened so regularly, each day...so somehow ...piece by piece, it must have fragmented off, along the way, and become the inner child that stays, watching silently from her hiding place.
The whole life experience learned from infant to child, child to teenager, then is the pattern into young adulthood, adult, and on into middle age.
Patterns are then the experience of repressing energy, and much energy is needed for these patterns. Joy therefore is muted, excitement becomes stress, life situations become dramas and traumas...and you become so tired of the ground hog day.
So suppressing this flow over time, means that much of your resources are used to simply to block it. And the gates that come up around your heart need constant reinforcement.
That all takes energy. It takes all the enthusiasm and creative energy to create a small reinforcement around your inner world, which eventually becomes your prison. The outside world is kept at bay, but the sadness, shock, and betrayal is locked up inside with you. And as we know, it is from this inner psyche, the subconsciousness, that we create our exterior worlds. The emotions that line the psyche give us the screen onto which our outer reality plays out, giving us back in spades, experience of those emotions and feelings, held deep in the psyche, AND are of the same vibrational energy of those hidden emotions.
Michaela.
The images were of me and my brother and sister, all of us small, 3 years 4 years and 5 years of age, waking as children do and going in to their parents room. Then my father rushing out angry as hell, and beating us.
This was every morning as small children.
My mother worked as a nurse, and so my father had to look after us in the evening, getting children to bed isn't always easy...so often we would be beaten.
This was a repeated occurrence.
But what came to me today, was the child waking in the morning, a sense of adventure for the day to begin, a joy of being with the flow. Then WHAM
Crack and wallop.
I must have learned soon, that early morning joy, seizing the day, standing in my power and seeking the adventure was an energy that brought me a shocking assault to my systems.
I saw how I must have then learned the art of staying small, tip toeing, not bothering the outside aggravators, and so little by little my sense of adventure and joy at being alive withered to a manageable unit.
The feeling of running around wild outside on the streets in London, and for those few glorious weeks in the summer, through the dunes in Ireland, was the real wild me as a child....but it was not compatible with the emotional freeze that happened so regularly, each day...so somehow ...piece by piece, it must have fragmented off, along the way, and become the inner child that stays, watching silently from her hiding place.
The whole life experience learned from infant to child, child to teenager, then is the pattern into young adulthood, adult, and on into middle age.
Patterns are then the experience of repressing energy, and much energy is needed for these patterns. Joy therefore is muted, excitement becomes stress, life situations become dramas and traumas...and you become so tired of the ground hog day.
So suppressing this flow over time, means that much of your resources are used to simply to block it. And the gates that come up around your heart need constant reinforcement.
That all takes energy. It takes all the enthusiasm and creative energy to create a small reinforcement around your inner world, which eventually becomes your prison. The outside world is kept at bay, but the sadness, shock, and betrayal is locked up inside with you. And as we know, it is from this inner psyche, the subconsciousness, that we create our exterior worlds. The emotions that line the psyche give us the screen onto which our outer reality plays out, giving us back in spades, experience of those emotions and feelings, held deep in the psyche, AND are of the same vibrational energy of those hidden emotions.
Michaela.
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